Chronicles of the Hecknoobs: The Nerfbat Anthology

[Docnamdkeeper]

Chapter 7
Laugha while you can,
(ya monkey boy!)

"Alright Fishbowl," Enterdragon hissed angrilly. "If you and your new gun are gonna be happy together..."
Fishbowl nodded cheerily.
"You're gonna have to go to war."
Sefus, Cigara, Tropicana, and Snooklear all elbowed each other as they exchanged grins and snickered.
"Can you be intimidating, fearless, ruthless, and powerful in the cafe of danger?"
Fishbowl scribbled on a piece of paper and held it up, showing "I love coffee after a nice emo-burger."
"That was a (censored)ing typo! I meant face of danger, not cafe!" Enterdragon bellowed, and Sefus and Tropicana burst out laughing behind him. "It's not funny!"
"It's settled then!" Cigara announced. "We'll go get some coffee, and then we can discuss other things like going to war and shopping."
"No, we're going to go to war," Enterdragon shouted. "Then we can go shopping and get some coffee."
"Oh come on, it's not a very far walk to the cafe of danger," Snooklear said as he chuckled at the scene. "In fact, there's one at every street corner and there's a street corner right there."
"I've heard the one across the street from it has better service though," Sefus said between gasps of laughter.
"The one on the far corner from that gives you free creamer,"
"NO (censored)ING COFFEE!"

"I.... I can't believe this...." Ruffix whimpered as he shivered next to the reclaim terminal in Shere garden.
"I didn't think anything like that would ever happen," Xaun sobbed.
"It was..." Sillanto gasped, clutching the stomped, smashed, and otherwise ruined NCU he had been working on when the noobs came. "A train on ely beach... nothing like this has ever happened before..."
"I don't know the last time there were so many hecknoobs at the heckler killing grounds!" Cyriann sobbed into her hands. "I can't believe this is happening, nothing like this has ever happened before!"
Everyone sat in stunned silence for a while. Nobody moved, except Windam, tapping at the ground angrilly with the bottle, glaring at it in growing frustration.
"Que loco es que no creimos que seria un tren al playa de hecklores?" Quieromorir said suddenly, digging his fingernails into the ground.
WHAM!
Everyone looked and saw Windam standing over Remains of Quieromorir, the bottle glowing in his hands.
"Oh my God, Windam!" Cyriann gasped, looking at the furious ARK. "What's gotten into you?!"
"Siempre me divertivan los ARK's! Que sympatico de tu para hacer mis suenos completos," Quieromorir whispered as he popped out of the reclaim again. "A mi me gusta muerte."
Windam sighed and clenched at the bottle's neck. "I was killed when someone threw this bottle at my face. And to add insult to injury, you know what it said on the note inside?"
Everyone shook their heads slowly, watching Windam as if he were a cannon about to go off.
"It said 'Run while you can.' And I think someone is going to die for that. Die a painful chain death of bottle damage...."

The Omni-Med doors parted slowly and Feniks, Prawnz, Saetos, Blackdog, and Zenthilar all charged in.
Feniks hefting Seatos over his shoulder, and Saetos was cuddling Prawnz happily with a blissfull expression on his face.
"We can be best friends forever," Saetos chirped as he hugged Prawnz. "And we can all share the perfect slurpees with no ice."
"No ice?" Prawnz replied dreamily.
"No ice at all..."
Drcindy looked up from the receptionists desk and gasped. "Oh my god, not another!" she whispered as the team neared the desk.
"Another?" Zenthilar winced. "You mean there are others that...."
"I like slurpees!" Saetos chirped.
"Mee 2!"
Drcindy grimaced and nodded. "They've been pouring into the ER like noobs to the heckler beach. We don't know what's causing it..."
"I WANT A LEEEET PIE!" Came a demented voice from somewhere in the hospital.
"Me too!" Blackdog shouted before catching himself. "I mean... yarrr..."
"Luckily it looks like the symptoms haven't progressed to far, we're sticking him in one of our clinic rooms. He should be okay..."
Snowkitten the doctor came out of the ER doors with a crash cart and Feniks placed Saetos on it. He then tried to take Prawnz out of his arms, but Saetos tugged back and snapped "My leety!"
"Er, I think the leet could do with the treatment to," Snowkitten sighed, and Feniks relaxed his grip on Prawnz and watched as the three disappeared into the hospital.
"He's gonna be okay, right?" Zenthillar croaked. "I don't think the save-the-leets movement will keep going with half our members incapacitated..."
Drcindy sighed and watched the doors flutter. "I hope so... alright that's it, I'm getting out of here and I'm gonna do something about this."
"But what will we do?" Zenthilar asked, starting to choke up a bit. "How are we gonna stop this... before it's too late?"
Feniks shook his head. "I don't know how... but I know who does... Does anyone have directions to the studio where Oprah films?"
Blackdog gasped. "We're so desperate for help we're going to Oprah?!"
"No, General Li'Angreh is there getting interviewed...."
"Oh."

"You butthole!" Keeper shouted. "You can't keep me here forever!"
"Ha! I would love to see you escape!"
Keeper glared and hopped up and made a mad dash for the door.
"You're not allowed to get up from the corner!" Pinky shouted smugly, and Keeper sighed and trudged back to the other side of the room and sat down facing the corner.
"When can I get up?"
"When I'm done taking over the world," Pinky replied.
Mind sighed. "I can't believe that THAT is my other personality."
"Well, there's only so much noggin to go around," Pinky said encouragingly. "You just took a bit more than he did is all."
"I heard that."
"Get back in the corner!" Mind shouted.
"My friend will kick your butt!" Keeper snapped as he pouted in the corner.
"You don't have any friends."
"Fishbowl!"
Mind's eyes widened for a second.
"Ha, that little twit?" Pinky laughed. "He's useless or I'd have him here and be cloning him to make something to take over the world with, but there's nothing to make with that, much less something to make to take over the world with, so to take over the world by making stuff to take over the world with, I have to only make stuff to take over the world with using stuff that is used to make stuff to take over the world with. Have I made myself clear?"
Mind slammed his palm into his face. "This is going to be one looong world domination attempt."

The clinic doors opened and Snowkitten wheeled Saetos and Prawnz into the room.
It was empty except for one other thing, huddled in the corner...
Prawnz looked over at it. "Brother?"
Pronz looked up. "Prawnz?"
"How j00 get here?"
"Well, I was playing AOC and..."
"Age of Conan?" Snowkitten gasped.
"yup! Cyb0rian adv3ntures!"
"Oh no...." Snowkitten squeaked. She dashed away, obviously about to tell something important to somebody important who would do something important about something important.... (censored) this bureaucracy!
"You know what the best part of a slurpee is?" Saetos asked, his head lolling to the side and wearing a facial expression of someone in a complete daze.
"What?" Prawnz asked, wearing a matching facial expression.
"The syrup," Saetos replied.
"j00 know what's t3h bes7 part of a slurpee?" Pronz asked.
"What?" Saetos asked.
"The straw."

"I've got it!" Omutb said finally as he, Llenlleawg, Craziiblade, Joanbot, Berrenta, and Berrender sat at the remains of Jobe platform, reduced to white, snapped boulders all ripped apart and floating around in midair.
"You know a way that can get us into the shadowlands?" Joanbot asked.
"Yes!" Omutb declared. "I just recently acquired a shadowlands recall beacon!"
"Wow!" Llenlleawg declared. "Show me!"
Omutb pulled the device out of his inventory and held it up for all to see. And as he did so he noticed an interesting tag on it.
"Fixture," Berrenter read, "Can be placed on the ground."
"Oh that's good!" Llenlleawg said. "Now we can all use it!"
Omutb nodded and tried to place it on the ground.
"Uhmmm... it says it's a nodrop and that I can't put it on the ground..." Omutb said slowly.
"But it says you can put it on the ground," Berrender said, scratching his head idly with his support beam.
Just idly scratching his head with a huge frickin' support beam.
"It also says that I can't put it on the ground," Omutb stated.
"But it says you can."
"And then it says I can't."
"You gotta petition that," Berrender said finally.
Omutb groaned. "This is probably not the best time for petitions...."
"Already petitioning, we'll classify this as harassment to get someone here quicker," Berrender announced.

Windam sat tensely at the reclaim terminal, holding the bottle ready in one hand and the nerfbat ready in the other.
Suddenly his pager beeped and everybody leapt into the air.
"GOD (censored)IT!" He shouted, and looked at his pager with a look of pure fury.
After a few seconds of snarling and taking deep, hissing breaths through his nose. "I have.... to.... answer.... a.... petition..... I'll.... be.... right.... back...."

"You know, I'm really not sure this is a good idea," Omutb said tensely.
"HELLO, ARE YOU IN A SAFE AREA WHERE I CAN TALK TO YOU!?" Windam thundered as he appeared, waving the nerfbat and bottle around wildly.
Everyone gasped as he appeared.
"That bottle," Omutb whispered.
Windam heard. "WHAT ABOUT THIS BOTTLE? YOU RECOGNIZE IT?"
Omutb felt himself go white. "That bottle would be perfect for my collection, I've never seen one quite like it and I don't know who would throw one away."
Windam snarled loudly and wound up to strike with the empty bottle.
Omutb eeked quietly and pointed to Berrender.
You died of bottle damage!


Will Saetos and Prawnz be cured?
Will Fishbowl learn to fight?
Who did Windam kill?
Where's Waldo?
Will Keeper ever get out of the corner?
The answer to all these (except the Waldo one) and more in the next episode!

[Ciggie]

such imagination!!
tell me this, are the events in the stories inspired from ingame events or all made up? cuz they are great

[Docnamdkeeper]

mostly imagination. That's good for us and bad for me I guess.

But a few things were taken from actual quotes and events. Like Saetos's slurpee thread and Omutb's quote that has become my all time favorite "Hey, it's my bestest buddy Tsukts. He has a springy hair."

[Berrenta]

mostly imagination. That's good for us and bad for me I guess.

But a few things were taken from actual quotes and events. Like Saetos's slurpee thread...

Heh...

Can't wait to see who gets the bottle next!

[Docnamdkeeper]

Chapter 8
End of teh W0rldz0r!

Saetos shook his head and groaned loudly.
"You okay?" Prawnz asked as he lied limply on his own hospital cot, looking extremely sick.
Saetos shook his head. "I've got this horrible nausea... I feel like a noob..."
The door opened quickly and Snowkitten ran in.
"This is serious," she said, looking at her clipboard and flipping through the papers on it. "I'm afraid you all have or have had a serious case of the nimps...."
"The nimps?" Prawnz asked, lifting his head wearily.
"Yes," Snowkitten sighed. "An extremely powerful combination of the noobs and the gimps."
"But...." Saetos gasped, "I got better...."
Snowkitten looked up from the clipboard. "My god... you did... then there is still hope for us all..."
Saetos and Prawnz smiled to each other. "We got better! We..."
Slowly everyone turned and looked at Pronz.
"Hey Snowkitten," Pronz said with a giggle. "Are you one of those nice nurses? Should I turn my head and caugh? "
An awkward silence settled in, finally broken when Snowkitten sighed and said "There was never any hope for him, but you two can leave as soon as we've filed the right paperwork. Until then, feel free to visit the rest of the hospital facilities."
"How soon do you think we'll be out?" Saetos asked.
"About three weeks."
Pronz winked at Snowkitten. "I know what we could do for three weeks."
"Ew!"

Windam snarled angrily, his teeth bared as he looked down at his poor victim.
"THAT WILL TEACH YOU TO THROW BOTTLES AT ARK'S!" He shouted, and everyone on what remained of Jobe platform flinched.
Remains of Keeper103.
Windam kicked at the limp corpse, sending it into the floating area along with scattered chunks of white rock that once made up Jobe platform, and then threw the bottle at the limp, floating body before Windam vanished to rejoin his team.
"Wow...." Omutb whispered.
"A hecknoob that did something good," Joanbot gasped.
"And got himself killed," Berrenta whimpered sympathetically, watching the corpse fly off towards the market island.
"i AlWaYs KnEw ThE bEsT tHiNg A hEcKnOoB cOuLd Do WoUlD bE tO kIlL hImSeLf!" Craziiblade exclaimed.

"And so, Mr. General Li'Angreh, please tell us what it is like to be the last alien on all of the universe," Oprah whispered, putting on her sensitive face.
"For the hundredth time, I'm not the last alien. The Efus bomb only destroyed one city, and I don't even think there were many permanent deaths there, and I could probably just go back home whenever I wanted."
The audience all booed quietly and Oprah leaned over from her extra wide chair and whispered "Act sad and stuff.... pretend you care. It makes great television."
General Li'Angreh stared at her for a few seconds. "Oh yes, of course. It was a very sad day for me, I cried a lot.... I'm all alone...."
The audience awwwed loudly and Oprah clutched at her shirt in fake sympathy. "No, all alone? How does it feel?"
"It feels a lot like being interrogated on a TV show about being all alone when you're not," he said, tearing up a bit.
"Oh no.... has that happened to you before?" Oprah gasped, forcing out a sob.
"Yes.... I'm afraid it has.... " he sobbed in reply. "Forty times in this very studio... it's horrible, and each time it only gets worse..."
"Oh my god you poor thing!" Oprah gasped.
"This one time it got so bad, I started crying!"
"That's horrible! You poor dear!" Oprah choked, and forced a tear. Then she perked up and smiled at the camera. "We have to go on a commercial break now, we'll be back with more big aliens crying after these words for our sponsors."
General Li'Angreh wated a few seconds and then hopped from his chair and scurried across the stage. "Wow that sucked," he muttered to himself as he reached the studio exit and opened it slowly.
"General!" Blackdog shouted. "Yarrr!"
General Li'Angreh looked up and saw Blackdog, Zenthilar, Drcindy, Feniks, and Glassgoat. "Yarrr!" he shouted. "I actually know one of you!"
"We need your help!" Drcindy said quickly. "There are hecknoobs!"
"Yeah.... whats new and why do you need my help with them?"
"It's too horrible to tell, you have to see for yourself," Feniks gasped. "Hurry! We'll have to run fast if we want to get there before...."
"You ran all the way here?" General Li'Angreh asked. "Howabout we go back in my ship?"
Blackdog looked around. "Wait a minute... how DID we get from Rubi-Ka to Earth ON FOOT?!"

Pinky looked around. Keeper was still huddled in the corner... Mind wasn't trying to overthrow him yet and claim his title as evil dictator.... things were running smoothly. Too smoothly....
He picked up a nearby leet with telephonitis in it's NCU and punched a number into it quickly.
He knew they were on his tail and he had to shake them off.... Before they found him in the rome underground...

Omutb glanced around. "This is bad.... How are we gonna..."
Suddenly Omutb's cell phone rang loudly and he quickly picked it up and held it to his face.
"Hello?"
"...."
"Hello?"
"Uhhhh...."
Omutb frowned. "Who is this?"
"Uhmm....."
"Hello?"
"Uhm....... YOU JUST GOT PHWND!"
Omutb snarled and pressed the disconnect button on his phone. "(censored)it! Where can I get a good anti-prank call device on my phone?"
"There's a shop for them in the rome underground, right next to this place called Evil Pinky's Lab for Taking Over the World utilizing Hecknoob Cloning," Berrender recited.
"What?" Omutb gasped. "That place....!"
"They have low low prices on everything and guarantee that you'll never get a prank call!" Llenlleawg chimed in. "I saw their commercial!"
"We have to check that place out!" Joanbot said forcefully.
"I know, I heard you can get ringtones there too!" Berrender chirped.

There was a knock at the hospital door.
"Come in," Saetos sighed.
Iamiko opened the door and strode into the room, holding her engineer's wrench.
"I'm here to adjust the nut," she said, swinging the wrench around idly.
"It's okay," Prawnz said, ducking to avoid being hit by the blunt instrument. "We're not nuts anymore...."
"j00 c4n s7iLL al)ju5t my nuts and bolt!!!1" Pronz shouted and winked.
Iamiko nodded, stepped over to where Pronz was sitting and slammed the wrench into his head, sending him careening across the room.
"Better?" she asked as he slid down the wall.
"Ugh.... I had this horrible nightmare I was a real pronz fiend...."
"He's all fixed?" Prawnz squealed in delight.
Pronz shook his head and stood up, and then looked at Iamiko.
"Hey baby, nice shoes. Wanna (censored)?"
There was a nice thud as the wrench slammed into Pronz again.

"Your first task for training, and listen the (censored) up, all of you!" Enterdragon shouted. "Is teamwork. I've created a simulation battleground. You each have a number. I am one, Fishbowl is two, Cigara is three, Sefus is four, Snooklear is five, and Tropicana is six. Even players, that's players two, four, and six, are on the left, and odd players, that's one, three, five, are on the right. Players five and six are add controllers."
Everyone looked around. This seemed to be from somewhere.....
"If you die, it's because you're not playing as a team, and the purpose of this is to learn to play as a team. If you die, it's because you weren't the (censored) where you were (censored)ing supposed to be. Now, you are going to DPS very slowly, and I mean (censored)ing slow. Mordots mordots mordots!"
Cigara sighed, Sefus laughed, Snooklear buried his face in his palm.
And Fishbowl turned around and shot Enterdragon with his new MBC.
"MINUS FIFTY DKP!" Enterdragon shouted as he keeled over. "(CEEEENNNNSOOOOOORRREEEEEEDDDD)!!!!!!"

"I'm back," Windam announced as he appeared back in Shere garden.
"wb" said Ruffix.
"wb" Cyriann
"Bienvinidos a regresar," Quieromorir said.
"wb" said Xaun.
"wb" Sillanto chirped. "So if we're all rezzed, we should probably go kill some more hecks now, right?"
"No," shouted Windam. "We must kill... the hecknoobs!"
"But how?" Cyriann asked.
"I'm an ARK, I can do anything I want," Windam replied. "First, we lower the gas down to 0% and bring in.... the gank squad..."
Everyone gasped dramatically. Ad lib.
"Not.... not the gank squad!" Ruffix croaked.
"I'm afraid it's come to this," said Windam solemnly. "Today we go to Borealis and get all the pvp'ers to come and rid the shadowlands of this threat...."
"What time today, I gotta log soon," Xaun noted casually.
"Uhm.... right now is good," said Windam. "I'll give you all a secret technique that only ARK's are allowed to know of..."
Everyone watched Windam carefully.
He cleared his throat and stood where they all could see. "You click your heels together three times and say 'There's no place like bor' and then,"
Windam disappeared with a pop.
Everyone looked around, awestruck, and then Ruffix looked around.
"There's no place like bor," he said while clicking his heels together, and disappeared with a pop.
"There's no place like bor,"
-POP!-
"There's no place like bor,"
-POP!-
"There's no place like bor,"
-POP!-
Sillanto looked around, completely aghast, and stomped the ground in frustration three times.
"This is (censored)ing retarded-"
-POP!-

[Kylissa]

YAY! I'm in teh story! ^^ .... but again i get called Lamiko everyone always gets it wrong.... *slopes off with clinical depression*

Hehe, best of it is... i tend to act like that in org-chat ^^ mad, homicidal engineering 4tw!

[Reneaa]

EDIT: took out quote to save Docnamdkeeper from eternal embarassment

You changed his name.

[Docnamdkeeper]

YAY! I'm in teh story! ^^ .... but again i get called Lamiko everyone always gets it wrong.... *slopes off with clinical depression*

Hehe, best of it is... i tend to act like that in org-chat ^^ mad, homicidal engineering 4tw!

You changed his name.

*cough cough* Yes.... wrote Iamiko's name on paper and thought I had written an L, sorry, fixing it. And yes, now the pun is completely blatant with Li'Angreh's name.

EDIT:

EDIT: took out quote to save Docnamdkeeper from eternal embarassment

Thank you!

[Berrenta]

Windam snarled angrily, his teeth bared as he looked down at his poor victim.
"THAT WILL TEACH YOU TO THROW BOTTLES AT ARK'S!" He shouted, and everyone on what remained of Jobe platform flinched.
Remains of Keeper103.
Windam kicked at the limp corpse, sending it into the floating area along with scattered chunks of white rock that once made up Jobe platform, and then threw the bottle at the limp, floating body before Windam vanished to rejoin his team.
"Wow...." Omutb whispered.
"A hecknoob that did something good," Joanbot gasped.
"And got himself killed," Berrenta whimpered sympathetically, watching the corpse fly off towards the market island.
"i AlWaYs KnEw ThE bEsT tHiNg A hEcKnOoB cOuLd Do WoUlD bE tO kIlL hImSeLf!" Craziiblade exclaimed.

One down, thousands to go, I guess.

"I'm back," Windam announced as he appeared back in Shere garden.
"wb" said Ruffix.
"wb" Cyriann
"Bienvinidos a regresar," Quieromorir said.
"wb" said Xaun.
"wb" Sillanto chirped. "So if we're all rezzed, we should probably go kill some more hecks now, right?"
"No," shouted Windam. "We must kill... the hecknoobs!"
"But how?" Cyriann asked.
"I'm an ARK, I can do anything I want," Windam replied. "First, we lower the gas down to 0% and bring in.... the gank squad..."
Everyone gasped dramatically. Ad lib.
"Not.... not the gank squad!" Ruffix croaked.
"I'm afraid it's come to this," said Windam solemnly. "Today we go to Borealis and get all the pvp'ers to come and rid the shadowlands of this threat...."
"What time today, I gotta log soon," Xaun noted casually.
"Uhm.... right now is good," said Windam. "I'll give you all a secret technique that only ARK's are allowed to know of..."
Everyone watched Windam carefully.
He cleared his throat and stood where they all could see. "You click your heels together three times and say 'There's no place like bor' and then,"
Windam disappeared with a pop.
Everyone looked around, awestruck, and then Ruffix looked around.
"There's no place like bor," he said while clicking his heels together, and disappeared with a pop.
"There's no place like bor,"
-POP!-
"There's no place like bor,"
-POP!-
"There's no place like bor,"
-POP!-
Sillanto looked around, completely aghast, and stomped the ground in frustration three times.
"This is (censored)ing retarded-"
-POP!-

LOL, now that's classic!

[Docnamdkeeper]

Chapter 9
There's no place like bor! [This is (censored)ing retarded.]

A stillness had set in the air around Borealis. A unique stillness that only comes before a brawl.
The huge, normally disorganized and meandering crowd around Borealis had almost magically parted in a circle around twelve players, six on one side of the bubble that had been created within the crowd, and six on the other.
A tense electricity was resonating between the two teams on either side. An electricity so metaphorical in it's sense, but so real as to be felt. So real that if someone had held a flourescene light tube in the air between the two teams it would have glowed.
The person holding the tube, that is. The actual light thing would have shattered.
"You talking to me?" said the agent on one side of the circle.
The enforcer on the other team looked up at this. "Huh? What? You talkin' to ME?"
The adventurer looked up at the enforcer. "Say what, punk? You talking to ME!?"
-POP!-
-POP!-
-POP!-
-POPPITY!-
-POP!-
"Poppity?" Xaun asked slowly, looking at Ruffix curiously as the two of them, Cyriann, Quieromorir, and Windam appeared on the sewer entrance bunker in Borealis. "Dude, your teleporting is kinda..."
"It's just confused," Ruffix barked.
Everyone quickly shut up and stared at the five new arrivals. Specifically Windam.
"IT'S AN ARK!" one of the fighters shouted suddenly, and the whole crowd scattered in an instant, leaving only the five to be seen.
"(censored)!" Windam muttered. "They always run off right when I appear..."
Quieromorir looked around slowly. "Donde esta Sillanto?"
"Look, I just want to talk, I'm not here on a petition or anything," Windam called out.
"That's what you said last time and you hit me with the banstick!" shouted a voice from one of the nearby doors to the backyards.
"I promise this time! And at least I didn't hit you with the nerfbat!"
"Yes you did!" another voice shouted.
"Shut up you," Windam snapped. "You're an NT, we all know they're way overpowered."
"Where's Sillanto?" Xaun wondered aloud.
Everyone blinked a few times and looked around.
"Oh.... (censored)..."

Snowkitten opened the door and stepped into the room with Saetos, Prawnz, Pronz, and Iamiko.
"How's the treatment working for the..."
-THUD!-
Snowkitten ducked just in time to avoid getting hit by Pronz as he careened across the room and faceplanted onto the wall behind her.
"Well," Iamiko sighed. "Usually my screwdriver can adjust any nut and or bolt in sight..."
"But Pronz is still a complete nut!" Saetos said exasperatedly.
"Mixed nuts and berries," Pronz chittered, looking quite dazed and dizzy.
"& he k33pz 7alk1ng @b0ut hi5 nuts," Prawnz sighed, emberassed.
"Aww nuts," Snowkitten muttered.
"So, are we getting out of here anytime soon?" Saetos asked hopefully.
Snowkitten glanced back at the door to make sure it was closed.
"No," she whispered. "But we're getting out."
Everyone went quiet.
"We're gonna bust out... meet me here tonight at midnight,"
"Uhm...."
"You can get here then, can't you?" Snowkitten hissed.
"Well, we can't be anywhere else," Saetos replied. "We're kinda locked here."
"Oh... yeah... uhm.... I'll be back at midnight then."
"Oki, cya then," Iamiko said. "And do you have any of that sterilizing alcohol?" she added, looking from her wrench to Pronz slowly. "I don't think this thing is clean anymore..."

Pinky scribbled furiously at the piece of paper in front of him.
Mind watched, intrigued. "What are you doing?"
"This!" Pinky declared, holding up a large piece of paper with a diagram of a stickfigure jumping over a short vertical line. "It's my escape plan, in the unlikely event that someone should find us here, we will have a way to make off without any consequence."
"Right..." Mind said slowly.
"He's lying!" Keeper shouted.
"Get in your corner you twit!" Mind barked.
"I am in the corner!" Keeper snapped.
"Are you sitting down and facing the corner?" Mind asked slowly.
"Yes..."
"Good!" Mind shouted, and with that ran up and kicked keeper in the back. Hard.
"OW!"
Pinky grabbed the crayon he had been scribbling with in his fist and stabbed at the table a few times, banging the cheap metal loudly and sending colored wax everywhere. "Enough! An evil genius needs quiet happy time to concentrate on his evil plans!"
Mind sighed and looked back at Pinky. Almost sympathetically.
Then there came a knock at the door.
"Oh (censored)!" Pinky gasped. "They're here already! Time to put my plan into action!"
He bolted up from his seet and ran at the opposite wall, jumping high into the air just before he reached it.
He faceplanted into the wall.
"(censored)!" Pinky shouted as he landed on his back on the hard floor. "I forgot to carry the one!"
Mind shook his head and opened the door slowly. Just enough to make sure only he could be seen while not so closed as to seem that he was all that he wanted to be seen.
"Hello, how can I-"
"Mind!" Omutb gasped.
Mind's eyes widened and he blinked a few times. "Omutb? You're the leader person I leant my cell phone to a while back..."
"Yeah, you were that one guy who leant me his cell phone back when I was the leader person!" Omutb added. "I thought you died!"
Mind looked around at Joanbot, Llenlleawg, Craziiblade, Berrenta, and Berrender. "I... I couldn't miss the sequel now could I?"
"Touche," Omutb said. "Care if I have a look around, there's supposed to be an evil plot afoot somewhere around here."
Mind gave a furtive glance back to the room. "Yeah, I've seen some of those evil plotafoots around here. Nasty buggers. I'm working on a... design for something to kill them all though," he said hastilly, holding out the sheet of paper Pinky had drawn the childish diagram on.
Everyone looked at it critically.
"It looks like a stickfigure hopping over a vertical line..." Joanbot said slowly.
"Yes... uhm you see.... the plotafoot is this thingy here... and when it comes to this line here... it forgets to carry the one and it is instantly killed by the arrow here..."
"I see." said Llenlleawg.
Meanwhile back in the corner, Keeper felt something warm and uncomfortable scootching up next to him.
"Dude!" he hissed.
"What?" Pinky whispered back.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm hiding in the corner here with you," Pinky replied shortly. He looked back at the doorway. "I don't want them to see me... hey is Mind giving away my secret plan!?" he gasped.
Keeper suddenly had an idea.
"Oh yeah, he is. He's obviously got it in for you."
"He does?!"
"Indeed," Keeper whispered. "He'll turn on you any moment now if you don't watch him. See? He's showing everyone your idea there."
Pinky's eyes widened and he looked around. "It's still not too late to put it into use though..."
"Yes, it's screwy, I know," Mind said slowly. "I came up with it at three in the morning, I'll have something better for you if we stop by tomorrow."
Omutb, Joanbot, Llenlleawg, Berrenta, Berrender, and Craziiblade all nodded slowly. "We'll see you then."
Mind smiled warmly and slowly closed the door as the team went away.
"That was close, luckily I know how to talk people down," Mind announced, strolling back into the room. "I'm invaluable to you, and as such I think you should share power with me fifty fifty once we've taken over the world. What do you..."
He blinked. Pinky and Keeper were gone.
"Hello?"
He looked around slowly and a piece of paper caught his eye. It was sticking out of the wall somehow.
He pulled it out of the concrete and read "I carried the 1 this time! You'll never find me now!"

"Alright, so we can't all use the same one since It's not really a fixture," Feniks said with a sigh as he looked at his shadowlands recall beacon disappointedly. "But we all have our own anyway, so...."
-POP- went Feniks
-POP- went Glassgoat
-POP- went Zenthilar
-POP!- went General Li'Angreh
-POP- went Drcindy
-POP- went Blackdog
They all appeared seconds later in front of stormshelter.
Which was completely levelled.
"Oh my God!" Feniks shouted. "What happened?!"
Out of the ruins of the once giant monument crawled someone who had just been minding their own business trying to level when it all happened.
"They.... the hecknoobs..." the poor wretch gasped, his armor burned through.
"They what?!" gasped Drcindy, looking in horror at the unfathomable destruction before her.
"They..." the victim gasped. "Went right through it.... looking for...."
Blackdog pulled the person close, listening intently. "They?! This could be valuable information to stopping them! Tell us! Quickly!"
"They were trying to mine for fish," the victim wheezed, and promptly died.


Thank you for tuning in to this week's episode of Chronicles of the Hecknoob, the Nerfbat Anthology. Don't forget to tune in next week, and tell all your friends about this series.

For the Kodiaks!

[Berrenta]

Pinky scribbled furiously at the piece of paper in front of him.
Mind watched, intrigued. "What are you doing?"
"This!" Pinky declared, holding up a large piece of paper with a diagram of a stickfigure jumping over a short vertical line. "It's my escape plan, in the unlikely event that someone should find us here, we will have a way to make off without any consequence."
"Right..." Mind said slowly.
"He's lying!" Keeper shouted.
"Get in your corner you twit!" Mind barked.
"I am in the corner!" Keeper snapped.
"Are you sitting down and facing the corner?" Mind asked slowly.
"Yes..."
"Good!" Mind shouted, and with that ran up and kicked keeper in the back. Hard.
"OW!"
Pinky grabbed the crayon he had been scribbling with in his fist and stabbed at the table a few times, banging the cheap metal loudly and sending colored wax everywhere. "Enough! An evil genius needs quiet happy time to concentrate on his evil plans!"
Mind sighed and looked back at Pinky. Almost sympathetically.
Then there came a knock at the door.
"Oh (censored)!" Pinky gasped. "They're here already! Time to put my plan into action!"
He bolted up from his seet and ran at the opposite wall, jumping high into the air just before he reached it.
He faceplanted into the wall.
"(censored)!" Pinky shouted as he landed on his back on the hard floor. "I forgot to carry the one!"
Mind shook his head and opened the door slowly. Just enough to make sure only he could be seen while not so closed as to seem that he was all that he wanted to be seen.
"Hello, how can I-"
"Mind!" Omutb gasped.
Keeper's eyes widened and he blinked a few times. "Omutb? You're the leader person I leant my cell phone to a while back..."
"Yeah, you were that one guy who leant me his cell phone back when I was the leader person!" Omutb added. "I thought you died!"
Mind looked around at Joanbot, Llenlleawg, Craziiblade, Berrenta, and Berrender. "I... I couldn't miss the sequel now could I?"
"Touche," Omutb said. "Care if I have a look around, there's supposed to be an evil plot afoot somewhere around here."
Mind gave a furtive glance back to the room. "Yeah, I've seen some of those evil plotafoots around here. Nasty buggers. I'm working on a... design for something to kill them all though," he said hastilly, holding out the sheet of paper Pinky had drawn the childish diagram on.
Everyone looked at it critically.
"It looks like a stickfigure hopping over a vertical line..." Joanbot said slowly.
"Yes... uhm you see.... the plotafoot is this thingy here... and when it comes to this line here... it forgets to carry the one and it is instantly killed by the arrow here..."
"I see." said Llenlleawg.
Meanwhile back in the corner, Keeper felt something warm and uncomfortable scootching up next to him.
"Dude!" he hissed.
"What?" Pinky whispered back.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm hiding in the corner here with you," Pinky replied shortly. He looked back at the doorway. "I don't want them to see me... hey is Mind giving away my secret plan!?" he gasped.
Keeper suddenly had an idea.
"Oh yeah, he is. He's obviously got it in for you."
"He does?!"
"Indeed," Keeper whispered. "He'll turn on you any moment now if you don't watch him. See? He's showing everyone your idea there."
Pinky's eyes widened and he looked around. "It's still not too late to put it into use though..."
"Yes, it's screwy, I know," Mind said slowly. "I came up with it at three in the morning, I'll have something better for you if we stop by tomorrow."
Omutb, Joanbot, Llenlleawg, Berrenta, Berrender, and Craziiblade all nodded slowly. "We'll see you then."
Mind smiled warmly and slowly closed the door as the team went away.
"That was close, luckily I know how to talk people down," Mind announced, strolling back into the room. "I'm invaluable to you, and as such I think you should share power with me fifty fifty once we've taken over the world. What do you..."
He blinked. Pinky and Keeper were gone.
"Hello?"
He looked around slowly and a piece of paper caught his eye. It was sticking out of the wall somehow.
He pulled it out of the concrete and read "I carried the 1 this time! You'll never find me now!"
<snip>
For the Kodiaks!

Another reason why this thread delivers.

Keep it rollin'!

[Kylissa]

\o/ Yay for more readings! Keeps me from getting bored at work!

[Llenlleawg]

Another reason why this thread delivers.

Keep it rollin'!

Heard and fully seconded.

[Kylissa]

Llenneawg, is it just you, berennta and me trolling in here posting replies?
WTS "Forum Lurkers" very cheap!

BTW, Llenn, are you welsh by chance? because that's one welsh-style nick you have

[Sillanto]

bumpy bump

Keep up the good work. If this keeps up theres no way im ever getting any work done :P

[Ciggie]

w00t w00t funny as hell
im having a minor role nnot fit for a hero of part 1
so bump anyways and i found a SCJ while q /afk-ing a dyna and reading this

[Ruffixx]

Hopefully my team's Wizard of Oz skillz works out to help pwn heck n00bs.

WTB new chapters

[Docnamdkeeper]

Chapter 10

Sillanto looked around.
"WHERE?!...."
He spun around wildly, his eyes shifting over everything around him.
"Where am I?" he shouted, still looking around.
Surrounding him were impossible shapes, running over one another carelessly, as if there was once a purpose for them, but it had died in a horrible mess of destroyed reality.
"WHERE AM I?" he cried out.
Right behind him someone appeared, her face hidden by the black form of a door that was several yards behind her. "You're in the beta!"
Sillanto shouts: (censored) (censored) (censored)ING (censored) (censored)!!!!
Betablocker: Would you like a ql 1 unknown?

-POP!-POP!-POPPITY!-POP!-POP!-
"Wasn't me that time," Ruffix coughed as he, Windam, Cyriann, Xaun, and Quieromorir appeared in the garden of Shere.
"Just confused is all, right," Cyriann commented.
Windam sighed. "You guys, we gotta find Sillanto...."
Everyone looked around.
"You there!" Windam called out to another player who happened to be in the garden at that time. "Old woman!"
The player looked up. "Man!"
"Old man?" Windam ventured.
"I'm not old."
"Well I can't just call you man."
"I'm Denis."
"I didn't know you were called Denis."
"The name is floating above my head if you left click me, dumb(censored)" and Denis ran off.
"Excelent people skills," Xaun whispered. "Now watch this..."
Xaun walked slowly over to another player who happened to be sorting through the bank, occasionally looking up from his overflowing inventory toward the depiction of Ergo in front of the spinning pointy thing.
"Excuse me," Xaun said politely, and then cloncked the guy over the head with the bottle that Windam had been hit with.
Somewhere in a far off place, someone with a click counter labelled "Died of Bottle Damage" clicked, sending the count to three.

Blackdog's jaw dropped in horror. "I can't believe it..."
Somewhere in the ruins a slight crumbling noise issued out, reporting that one of the rocks had just broken down even further.
Feniks shook his head. "This fortress withstood the greatest storms, not just of wind and water, but of the true power of the shadowlands raging against it..."
"Only to be destroyed by noobs mining for fish...." Zenthilar sighed.
General Li'Angreh shook his head, which was just about everything above his legs. In effect, he sort of rocked back and forth rather quickly.
"Those who claim to have foolproof technology have already underestimated the ingenuity of fools."
A loud, electric crackle shot through the air and Blackdog, Feniks, General Li'Angreh, Zenthilar, Drcindy, and Glassgoat all spun around to a heartbreaking sight.
A bunch of noobs were climbing the buildings of Port Seven, peeling the sheets of metal off the buildings and knocking down laser fences.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Feniks called back, forgetting his own safety.
"Feniks! NO!" Zenthilar cried, but it was too late.
The Hecknoobs all looked up and swarmed from the port, quickly overwhelming Feniks.
His teammates could only watch in horror as....
Keeper64: zomg cna I h4v crds plx i ned!
Keeper12: wars teh pirat glod sum1 told me its her sumwr
Keeper99: OMG CAPS LOCK IS THE CRUISE CONTROL FOR AWESOMENESS!!!1
Keeper220: I ned fast xp so i cna live up 2 my name c?
Keeper103: I DIED OF BOTTLE DAMAGE!
Keeper609: so how do you mine 4 fish again?
Keeper324: I cnat find teh pirat treshur!1
Keeper01: Credatss plax!
And just as they had swarmed in the scattered, leaving Feniks groaning loudly with only 1 point of health left.
That's when he saw it coming.
Somewhere the great clicker hit four.

Sefus looked up. "What was that?"
Cigara blinked. "What noise?"
"Okay crew!" Enterdragon boomed. "Basic training is over! I've just recieved word that there are a bunch of Hecknoobs out in the shadowlands and we're going to track them down and kill them all."
Fishbowl, Cigara, Sefus, Snooklear, and Tropicana all exchanged wide grins.
"We shall run them into the ground!" Tropicana declared.
"They will rue the day they decided to become hecknoobs instead of acting like honest, decent newbies trying to work their way to greatness the true and virtuous way!" Sefus shouted.
Fishbowl, never one to talk, did waves his arms into the air in a gallant pose of a heroic speech.
Snooklear puffed out his chest and bellowed "We shall save the world from these-"
"No no no!" Enterdragon fumed! "We're going to fight fire with fire!"
Everyone paused for a second. "Oh..."
"We will pwn tohse nubis!" Tropicana shouted.
"Tehyll get LOLWND!" Sefus added.
Fishbowl did a /fblock emote.
Enterdragon finished the rally with an annoying /voice command and the team ran off.

Other half of the episode soon!

[Kylissa]

YAY! More awesome readings! More plz!

BTW, sideline business... selling Windam's Bottle

[Sillanto]

wtb Windams bottle paying well.

I see some intresting engi possiblities in the beta

Keep up the amazing work!!