Chapter 1
The Root of All Stupid
Ignorance leads to fear.
Fear leads to anger.
Anger leads to hate.
Hate leads to cruelty.
Cruelty is the Dark Side.
Thus proving without a doubt that stupidity is the Dark side.
As well as the tale that history has tried to hide from you.
A tale of ignorance, fear, hate, anger, and cruelty.
But mostly ignorance.
Behold, for after not but a single week after the great Rubi-Ka'an pwning in the face that would scar the history of the planet forever, events were set into motion that would hit them with a pwning in the face so severe that it would cause many a tortured soul to wonder for eternity... why?
I'll (censored)ing tell you why. 'COZ WE'RE INFESTED WITH FLAGRANT HECKNOOBERY!
It was the day that would start it all. Nobody had any idea. Everyone was too happy to care. It was the day...
That the 16.3 patch came out.
In addition to the wonderous singing of joy that there were new quests out and a whole new use for the scrollbar, everyone was also singing about something else.
Because just before the 16.3 patch, the ARK's had promised that Efus bombs would be nerfed in the 16.4 patch coming out in ten weeks. The terror that had plagued them for about a week or so would be gone, and Broken Shores, an area of vast importance that had been completely irradicated because of them, would be restored to it's original perfection as an excellent place to roll high end Rubi-Ka mishes.
And so, on the day of the launch of 16.4, Blackdog was reappointed complete president of all of Omni-Tek for his disabling of the Kyr'Fox news ship, thus saving Rubi Ka, and he decided that he would start a countdown.
Everyone had now gathered in front of the Giant Big Screen of Perpetual Wastelands, where they had at first witnessed the great Rubi-Ka'an pwning in the face.
But today was a day for celebrating. Everyone waited anxiously for the news as Blackdog took the podium.
Blackdog shouts: Ladiees, Gentlemen, and meatwads!
Blackdog shouts: We are here today to begin the countdown until the greatest dream of all is made into a reality!
Crowd cheers loudly.
Blackdog shouts: In just a few minutes, I will reveal a timer, counting down the weeks until the 16.4 patch, when they nerf the most overpowered of all things on this planet!
Blackdog shouts: Adventurers!
Crowd gasps! This is better than he could have ever dreamed of.
Blackdog shouts: Oh wait, not quite.
Blackdog shouts: They're nerfing Efus bombs.
Crowd shrugs. Hey, that's still pretty awesome.
Blackdog shouts: And now, without further ado....
Blackdog smiled as he threw his arm backwards and pointed towards the huge screen, which flashed brightly and began to glow... brighter and brighter... until...
9 WEEKS, 6 DAYS, 16 HOURS
Croud shouts: What? We came all the way out here for that? That's freakin' lame!
Blackdog shouts: Shush! Our top notch tech designer worked hard on that!
Blackdog motioned to a little leet who was hopping up and down on a keyboard next to a monitor with MS paint open. "omg look at all teh pritti colors!"
Snooklear and Tropicana exchanged worried glances with each other. The team had all but broken up. Windam had left to take care of ARK duties, Sefus had run off to train with the highest dan, and Quieromorir had been deported. It was now just them and Fishbowl, and they were worried about him. He never talked or made a noise, and his face was always hidden behind his doc tier helmet... but he seemed exceptionally quiet and the opaque glass seemed to frown at them. Even taking him to his favorite resturaunt didn't seem to be cheering him up.
"Look, it's alright that your other two personalities died," Tropicana cooed soothingly. "They're not gone you know... they've just gone on vacation to the great reclaim terminal in the sky."
Fishbowl shook his head. Keeper was not going to heaven, because it also has to be a perfect paradise for everyone else there and he would have ruined it for everyone. And Mind was going straight to hell at any rate.
But what if neither had yet reached the afterlife?
Snooklear leaned over and whispered in Tropicana's ear, "I've been able to explain this before. I'll be able to help him accept the deaths and get over it, and move on with his life."
Tropicana cried a sympathy tear for Fishbowl before nodding to Snooklear.
"HE'S FREAKIN' DEAD!" Snooklear shouted suddenly, causing everyone to look up from their meals and stare at them. "GONE FOREVER! DIEEEEEEE! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIEEEEE JUST LIKE HIM AND BE GONE FOREVER!"
Tropicana buried her face in her hand in emberassment while Fishbowl watched with interest as Snooklear was pelted with three courses worth of whatever was on all the annoyed patrons' tables.
After having meditated for almost three days straight, Sefus began to be lifted away from his body. At first, just barely hovering above the ground. He ran up the side of a building and leapt into the sky, then off cloud to cloud like a bad platformer game. Soon he found a great golden stairway in the sky, stepped onto it, and began to climb the stairway to heaven while a song by Led Zepplin played in the background, but Sefus did not notice this coz he, like almost half of Rubi-Ka, played with the sound off.
And then after an infinitely long climb, reached Heaven in an instant.
"I am here to see the enlightened one," he said calmly.
"Yes, the Bhuddas. This is the Christian and Jewish Heaven," Saint Peter replied. "The enlightened ones are just across the sea of the infinite and to the left at the plains of the infinite. There's a welcome center there that's infinitely huge, you can't miss it."
Sefus nodded."Erm.... who are those people at the gate sticking their hands through to this side?"
Saint Peter turned around and look. "Oh, those are all the coders. They're dead on the inside is all."
"Aaah... of course. Oh hey, while I'm here, how are Mind and Keeper doing? You know, the two different personalities that killed each other?"
"Oh, they're not permanently dead yet," Saint Peter replied calmly. "Just taking a while to get back to the cell scanners, and I'm afraid that they'll be stopped before they get there."
"What?" Sefus asked, but he was already being drifted away in the sea of the Infinite, even tho he hadn't stepped anywhere near it.
"Gah," he said to himself. "This place is freaky. I don't know how people can stay here for all eternity.
Then, in due time, he landed at the plains of the infinite and came to the Welcome center of the Enlightened one.
He pushed open the door and saw inside a staircase leading to a man in an orange robe meditating in the lotus position.
"Are you an enlightened one?" Sefus asked, finding himself standing next to the man without either of them having moved.
"Maybe," the man hummed back. I know exactly what you need to know. Look at your shen..."
Sefus looked at his hand and was surprised to see the symbol for his shen attack glowing brightly in full color on his palm.
"So much fire overcoming all, being nothing but burning and hatred... but there is just enough water so they both destruct each other. The fire is extinguished and the water turned to steam... all that is left are the little blue dots and the writings..."
Sefus nodded confusedly.... "Actually, I was going to ask if one can reach enlightenment via dinging 220 instead of the meditation and self improvement and stuff?"
"No, you reach en1337enment instead."
A leet in an orange robe waddled in. "h4i, w3lc0m3 2 v4lh@LLa!"
Back on Rubi-Ka, Sefus's eyes opened, and he vowed right then and there to live a more healty lifestyle in hopes of preventing his permanent death for as long as possible.
"A little to the left...." Joanbot shouted. "Just a teense to the right.... PERFECT!"
With a thud, the construction truck dropped the huge HQ building right where the old Omni War Headquarters had been in Omni-1 district.
Enterdragon flew past Joanbot into the new building. "Don't you love that new building smell?" he shouted. "Now I can go into the war lounge and make Yakov-Smirnov jokes without it being against the rules! In Soviet Russia, new building constructs you! Wooohooo!"
Joanbot sighed, looking at Omutb, Berrenta, Cigara, and Berrender, the new Omni-War council.
This was going to be a long day.
Disclaimer: I do not actually know anything about Bhudism, and I apologize if in the course of this episode, anything that might offend was said. I tried not to... but anyways was all in good fun, no harm meant.
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Originally Posted by Docnamdkeeper
> Being Uber 
)
