Mission Impossible 4

[Sefus88]

ROFL!
Scout Loo'Kat'that hopped out, followed by Ensign Kam'Ramman

[Docnamdkeeper]

Chapter 4
Part 4
The'Six'O'Clock'News'With'Kyr'Blitzer.
And other murderous groups.

Omutb watched as the news channel went to commercial break.
"Oh no it's always the same commercial for dreadloch arms..." Berrenta sighed.
"No these are video commercials," Cigara corrected. "Look."
The TV flashed to a low quality scene of a chain link fence with bad writing on it.
"My brother he's been through it there were people flashing signs up under the table. My brother he's been through it there were people flashing signs up under the table. My brother he's been through it there were people flashing signs up under the table. My brother he's been through it there were people flashing signs up under the table."
"Oh gods this is awful!" Omutb spat. "How long does this last?"
"I think we have to upgrade from froob or something," Joanbot guessed.
"O wait here the news is back on now."
"We now take you live to where three alien ships, one bearing the name Kyr'Enn'Enn, one Kyr'Fox, and one Kyr'Bee'Ess, each have landed in Omni-Forest, each destroying everything in sight and recording themselves and each other as they do it."
Everyone on the sofa leaned forward and Omutb fumbled with the remote to turn the volume up.
"We show you now the current situation!"
The sceen flickered to show a shaky image of a large alien advancing on a parked Kodiak. "These things are tortured and abused, and we will free them from the pain they suffer!"
There was a blasting noise and the screen went wavey and staticky for a few second before showing a crater where the Kodiak had been only seconds ago.
Then another alien appeared.
"As you just saw, the Humans take pleasure in killing these Kodiaks using explosives that they stole from our kind using theft, hijaking, and generation xyz economics. The best thing you can do at the current time is to shoot them all on sight. Like this one here,"
The screen flashed green, went wavey and staticky again for a second. When it came back, the camera had something red on the lense and was pointing upwards towards the sky and not moving.
The feed went back to the main desk of the RK news station. "Oh my god... Kenny!" the anchorman gasped. "Oh my god! They killed Kenny! You (censored)s!"
The anchorman burst into tears and ran off the scene. He was quickly replaced by someone else. "Hi I'm reporter Lookatdat. We now have a birds eye view coming to you live from our Roflcopter. Jimmy? What can you see?"
The screen flickered and showed from above six people in Galway shire being surrounded by aliens.
"Oh my god!" Joanbot shouted. "That's Sefus and all them!"
"We've got to help them!" Enterdragon gasped.
"Nah, I wanna see how this one ends first," Omutb said.
"We have to tell them the news medias weaknesses!" Berrenta said. "Does anyone know what can get a news station killed?"
"Bad ratings?" Cigara ventured.
"And how does it get those?" Berrenta prodded.
"Interviewing intelligent people," said Omutb. "But there's nobody in that team for them to-"
Omutb stopped when Joanbot hit them.
"I kNoW!!!!1 wHeN tHe RePoRtEr MeSsEs Up A lInE."

Mindkeeper watched in horror as the aliens swarmed around his team.
"This is it," Tropicana wailed.
[Cigara]: Mindkeeper! Can you make one of the reporters mess up a line?
To [Cigara]: Erm maybe, why?
[Cigara]: It will drop their ratings and that's all they live for!
Mindkeeper thought for a moment.
Suddenly it came to him, as clear as day, and he was sooo glad he had studied Meta-Physiology briefly before becoming a doc....
Executing nano program: Spooner Ism.
Nano program executed successfully.
Reporter Loo'Kat'That: As you can see, these hilthy fumans are kuthelessly rilling all the kittle lodiaks.... NOMG OOOOOO!!!!
All the aliens started stumbling around each other in panic.
"LOOK!" Sefus shouted, pointing off in the distance. "A BOX FULL OF RATINGS!"
The aliens ran for their lives in the direction Sefus had pointed.
And everyone quickly and quietly snuck aboard the alien ship.

Meanwhile Blackice2, Llenlleawg, Demonmuffin, Arrone, Bleodemm, Shakesphere, General Li'Angreh, Scout Hau'Eru (who had just found his way back from Whereverland), and all the Omni and Clan population had gathered in the war room. Which is right next to the War Lounge.
"Peoples of Rubi-Ka!" Bleodemm shouted. "I am proud to see you all here today. In fact I'm pretty proud that anyone could make a room big enough to fit us all. But anyways, we are gathered here today to witness the... o wait wrong thing... We're all right here right now because this is the one place I'd rather be..."
Omutb popped his head through the door to the War Lounge. "Keep it down! I'm trying to watch TV... erm Do valuable research!"
Shakesphere stepped in to the rescue. "The reason you've all been called to this room is so that we can unite and take the fight to the aliens. Our new ally General Li'Angreh has given us a fleet of space ships with which to board the alien motherships and destroy the aliens before they destroy us."
Applause started, filled the room, decked the halls, and echoed everywhere.
But then it all stopped when someone asked....
"Wont all this mothership stuff not come out until Lost Eden?"
Dead silence set in.
Everyone was horrified.
The whole plan that would save them all...
Ruined because none of them had the expansion...
CURSES! FOILED AGAIN!

Jimmy gasped. Sefus had been lying. There really wasn't a box of ratings anywhere to be found.
Luckily he realized this while all the aliens were still looking, hopped in his Roflcopter, flew up a few feet, and began recording.
"As you can see all the alien reporters are looking for a box of ratings. A pethetic display of their complete incompetence," Jimmy narrated, suddenly being struck by a horrible fit of coughing at the end of that sentence.

General Li'Angreh paused as a message began filtering into his comms relay.
And I repeat, it declared, That Kyr'Enn'Enn news has been taken off the air, after the lead reporter bungled up a line, and then in a complete act of idiocy, they went looking for a box of ratings to compensate for their mistake, and were documented doing so.
This may have stemmed off the legend of the "Dark Chest of Wonderful Footage", which may have been a misinterpretation of a young reporters comment "Her chest makes my ranting go up."
All Kyr'Enn'Enn personell have been sent home.
"WE DID IT!" General Li'Angreh shouted. "One down, seven to go."
Omutb looked up at him. "Seven more? What are they?"
"There's Kyr'Bee'Ess, Kyr'Fox, The'Six'O'Clock'Kyr, The Kyrbert'Report, Pro'Pa'ganda'Wee'Klee, Wea'Thur'Channul, and Zo'Mg's Report."
Everyone stared in stunned silence.
"Luckily Zo'Mg is one of my guys... gah I hate that twit... so I can call him off... so that leaves only six to go."
"....." said Omutb.
"....." said Joanbot.
"....." said Enterdragon.
"....." said Berrenta.
"....." said Cigara.
"ONlY sIx?!" exploded Craziiblade.
"Why's everyone trying to use bow special?" General Li'Angreh answered aloud. "Yes, only six. Considering that there are about 200 alien news networks in the galaxy, six looks like a pretty nice number in my opinion. Now if you'll excuse me, I must ready my fleet to be ready to counter a ground landing."
General Li'Angreh and Scout Hau'Eru left, and the next few seconds ticked away in silence.
"SiX nEwS nEtWoRkS?!?" Craziiblade exploded. "oH mY gOd WeRe AlL gOnNa DiE!!!" he added, in a fasion of speaking similar to that of Tweak from South Park.
"Uhmmmm whats with you?" Berrenta asked concernedly.
"oNe Of I iS cRaZy, bUt I iS sAnE tHoGh."
"But," Joanbot began testily. "You just said you were sane and then you said you were crazy."
"OnE oF i Is CrAzY, bUt ThErE aRe TwO i'S, sEe? C-R-A-Z-I-I-B-L-A-D-E. tHe CrAzY i LiKeS tO sPeAk In aLl CaPiTaL lEtTeRs. LuCkY i Is ThE oNe WiTh ThE bLaDe InStEaD oF tHe CrAzY i!!!" Craziiblade said, and with that he unsheathed his knives and began waving them around wildly.
Joanbot sighed. "I have to put up with crazy people WAAAY too often.
"Shush everyone!" Barrenta said excitedly, pushing Craziiblade to his seat. "The news is back from commercial break!"

"Grab the booty and RUUUN!" Blackdog shouted, running as fast as he could out of the superior shop with an armful of data-disks. "We've commited the high crime of piracy out on the seventh sea! Yearghhh!!!!"
Blackdogs co-workers quickly followed him all the way until he stopped running.
Which happend to be around the corner.
Blackdog sat down, and happily popped a data-disk into a holo-player.
After a few seconds a hologram of Shakira and Mr. Wycliff began dancing around with a preppy trumpet and drum band going.
"What the (censored)?" one of the co-workers gasped. "We committed high crime FOR THAT?!"
"Arrrr pirating music is quite common, quit getting ahead of yourself!" Blackdog shouted.
"Shouldn't we erm.... be stealing from ships and stuff?" another one of the co-workers suggested.
"Arrrr, that we shall be doing in a little bit." Blackdog agreed, nodding solemnly. "But first, I wanna see some more free music videos! Arrrr, look at that booty!"

"So uhm...." began one of the thousand of Omni Employees and Clan personell gathered in the war room. "What do we do until we do whatever it is that we do?"
Blackice2 looked around, trying hard to think of something to keep everyone tense and alert in case that a huge defense had to be staged.
"Ok I know!" shouted Demonmuffin with a manical laugh. "I spy with my little eye.... something.... GRAY!"
There was a pause....
"The wall?"
"Yup. Ok then I spy..... something.... GRAY!"

At the start of the next commercial break, Omutb hopped off the sofa and began to hammer a nail into the wall.
"Ok has everyone taken notes?" he asked, hanging up a picture frame.
"Yes," Joanbot replied. "And.... what are you doing?"
"Just a general guidelines for everyone to see when entering this room. Nothing directed at anyone in particular, but..."
Joanbot walked over and examined the newly placed object, reading...
Rule 1: No Tom Foolery.
Rule 2: No Jack (censored)ery.
Rule 3: No Mind Keepering.
Rule 4: No Fish Bowlery.
Joanbot looked back at Omutb, who had sauntered back to the sofa. "Not directed at anyone in particular you say?"
Omutb shook his head. "Nobody at all."
She took out a magic marker and...
Rule 5; No Yakov Smirnovering.
"You know in Soviet Russia," Enterdragon said casually. "The television watches you!"

"Ow, that's my arm you're sitting on!" Tropicana hissed at Snooklear.
"Being hidden in a crampt KO crate isn't any more comfortable for me either princess," Snooklear replied. "This hidden stowaway thing really sucks."
"Attention!" the intercomm suddenly shouted. "We have arrived at the home planet. Due to rating deterioration, the station has been forced to pull out of Rubi-Ka. The ship will be abandoned immediately so that the incompetence emmanating from it does not taint you any further. If you happen to be a stowaway hidden in a crate, sucks to be you, because this ship is going to be locked down and deconstructed in about ten minutes. Thank you for flying Kyr'Enn'Enn Air'Lines."



ZOMG ANOTHER CLIFFHANGER ENDING!.... sort of... anyways I hope you enjoyed this installment. Tell all your friends about this thread so that they too can enjoy all the Tom-Cruise-Free goodness that it offers, and I'm still taking applications to be in this via forum PM and tells to rimor's Mindkeeper ingame (even offline tells work fine). Just give me your name, prof, and a short description.

Thank you for Roflcoptering with Doc'Namd'Keeper sitcom series

[Reneaa]

The Kyrbert'Report

<3 <3

[Ciggie]

har har har keeps getting better everytime. <3 this story its so entertaining and all the sarcasm and jokes are so blunt its gotta hurt hehe.

[Excalipoor]

Bah...I guess I'm gonna have to read it some day then. I usually laugh only at my own jokes though.

[Berrenta]

"Oh my god... Kenny!" the anchorman gasped. "Oh my god! They killed Kenny! You (censored)s!"
<snip>
"We have to tell them the news medias weaknesses!" Berrenta said. "Does anyone know what can get a news station killed?"
"Bad ratings?" Cigara ventured.
"And how does it get those?" Berrenta prodded.
"Interviewing intelligent people," said Omutb. "But there's nobody in that team for them to-"
Omutb stopped when Joanbot hit them.
"I kNoW!!!!1 wHeN tHe RePoRtEr MeSsEs Up A lInE."

LOL

[craziinick]

uhm..bump for making me look like a total dumbass? ^^ -cries-

[Sefus88]

rofl!

it's all in good fun!

The TV flashed to a low quality scene of a chain link fence with bad writing on it.
"My brother he's been through it there were people flashing signs up under the table. My brother he's been through it there were people flashing signs up under the table. My brother he's been through it there were people flashing signs up under the table. My brother he's been through it there were people flashing signs up under the table."

that part had me on the floor!!

Hi I'm reporter Lookatdat. We now have a birds eye view coming to you live from our Roflcopter. <---lol!

[Berrenta]

ah yes the roflcopter...

Still laughing at the "They killed Kenny" line. LOL

[Saetos]

I want in!

"Oh my god! They killed Kenny! Those (censored)s!"

[Docnamdkeeper]

Chapter 4
Part 5
Dont Fall in the
Sarc Chasm.

Enterdragon suddenly found everyone staring at him.
"Erm.... was it something I said?"
"You broke one of the five rules!" Berrenta replied.
"I did?" Enterdragon asked, looking at the list of rules in Joanbot's hands. "Oh no, I did..."
"The punishment," Omutb began menacingly. "You will have a sarcastic comeback directly inflicted upon you!"
"Oh no!" Enterdragon gasped. And he was completely serious, not sarcastic at all. No, seriously.
"Oh yes," Joanbot said seriously. No, seriously.
"Oh no!" Enterdragon repeated. Seriously.
"Oh yes," Joanbot repeated, cereal.
"In Soviet Russia, Bad Joke Tells you!" Cigara burst out, suddenly inflicting the massive pain of a sarcasm counter-attack and sending Enterdragon reeling.
Sarcasm is a deadly weapon on Rubi-Ka. No I'm serious.

-THUMP-
Dock Guard Not'Looking whirled around.
A box had fallen out of the loading bay of the Kyr'Enn'Enn ship, which was soon to be demolished.
"Stupid Boxes," he muttered, and went back to the important task of his Kyr'Doughnuts and Kyr'Coffee.
Meanwhile the box scooted off into the shadows.
Only a few seconds later, the Kyr'Enn'Enn ship was loaded into a containment carrier. An explosion noise was heard from within the carrier, and it reopened, completely empty.

"I spy," Demonmuffin announced. "Something...."
"GRAY!" shouted the entire army of the Clans and Omnis, who seemed very angry. "PICK SOMETHING OTHER THAN THE (censored)ING WALL THIS TIME!"
"Oki," Demonmuffin chriped. "I spy something gray.... The other wall!"
Suddenly a large fraction of the population of Rubi-Ka exited the Omni-War room.
Flatenning anything in their way.
Red Velvet Line dividers, Paintings of Phillip Ross, Furnitures of all sorts, and the buildings support columns.
Once everyone had left, the building collapsed, leaving only one room left standing where the megastructure had once been.
That one building left happened to be the war lounge.

"Excuse me sir," said the box. "Which way to the news building?"
Alien Bystander - Ho'Bo turned around, took a long drag on a thick green cigar, and smiled at them. "Let's see, Kyr'Enn'Enn is shut down for the day, so the nearest news place from here.... that would be the Six'O'Clock'Kyr, which is down this street and to the left at the sign. It's the huge building with the fountains in front, can't miss it."
Hobo smiled as the box scurried off down the road. Yeah, some Kyrz had their fancy stock portfolios and mutual funds... but this was definitly the way to retire here. Sittin' on the street, watching the yungn's stroll past, and reminiscing about the old days of doing city raids with friends for the occasional Hu'Man Lead NanoBots. Oh yeah, this was the way to be.
Wait was that a box that had just run past?
Hobo grumbled. He would've gone and chased it, but those eight legs just weren't what they used ter be.

"So how are those notes coming?" Omutb asked, completely oblivious to the fact that the building had just collapsed around him.
"Just great," Joanbot chirped, tapping her notebook gently with her magic marker. "I've already noticed that news channels will flock to any disaster, tradgedy, accident, or so forth where someone gets hurt, and put it in a light where the audience feels sorry for them, and then blame it on the government, corporations, or religious icons."
"An example of when they blame it on the government," added Berrenta, tapping her notebook with her magic pencil, "Is when Phillip Ross was shot. The news showed a bunch of people being traumatized by his death, but they actually ignored the part where Phillip was shot and nearly killed. And at the end they blamed Phillip Ross for making a huge target."
Cigara raised her magic fountain pen into the air. "And they also blamed corporations for funding, selling guns to, and in general empowering the assasins. For some reason the reporter during this specific example was cleaning a rifle of some sorts, and had su****ious access to the receipts."
"lAsT, oNe Of ThE rEpOrTeRs BlAmEd ReLiGiOn, WhEn PhIlLiP rOsS wAs ShOt, ShOuTeD 'GOD DAMMIT!'"
Omutb nodded. "Terrible that any one news station would do any of these things, it's horrible to think that a news station would do all of those things.
"We all watched a different one," Berrenta sighed. "And they all did all of those things at the same time."
"Yeah, where there's one media, there's always more," added Joanbot. "Sometimes they carpool to the bigger leads to save gas money.
"Why would anyone do this?" Omutb asked. "I know evil. I've seen people kill people just for the sick pleasure of having taken a life. That I can understand.... but this?"
"It's a profit thing, they do all this for ratings," Cigara sighed. "Phase 1 is get ratings. Nobody knows what phase 2 is, but phase 3 is profit."

"Arrrr!" shouted Blackdog. "We be almost ready to set sail on the sea of space! All we need matey, is a crew!"
"But," piped one of the co-workers. "We're here..."
"You're all fired, thats what you are. I'm off to get me a real crew!"
All the co-workers sighed and awwwwed while Blackdog hopped in his ship (which happened to be a very large, jet powered paper airplane) and set off for borealis.

Omutb looked around. "So other than bashing the government, corporations, and anyone else who is just a vague generalisation instead of a pitiable individual, what else do news stations do for these ratings?"
"tHeY lOoK fOr ThEm In BoXeS!" Craziiblade shouted.
"They call people racists, homophobes, or sexists. HUUUGE ratings there." Joanbot suggested.
"Yeah!" Shouted Berrenta. "Remember Mel Gibson making an anti-semetic slur when he was drunk? That was WAAAAY back in the early 21st century, and they're still going on about that even though nobody cared about what some drunk dude said. Really I only care about racial slurs if they're said by someone important and while they're sober."
"Oyeah," Cigara nodded. "They just had a special on that on PBS. I remember the P stands for public. I wonder what the BS stands for."
"Normally," Joanbot continued, tapping her notebook with her new magic gelpen. "They won't criticize people they like, such as politicians who follow their same polotics, which includes just about all other news stations. But when the opportunity to call someone a racist arrives, it doesn't matter who it is unless they're trying to get them elected. Then they just ignore it."

The receptionist at the Six'O'Clock'Kyr scratched her head as she watched a box shuffle its way over to her desk.
"Excuse me ma'am, we'd like to publish this book here," said the box, holding out a stack of printer paper, the top page labeled "A thousand little metal plates".
The receptionist flipped through it for a while before handing it back.
"I'm sorry, this is great material and all, but we cannot publish this."
The box sagged a little. "Why not?"
"First up," The receptionist sighed. "It says here that humans are good and we should stop killing them for ratings. And secondly, you're a box."
There was a pause.
"No, you're a box!"

"I like raiding aliens," Moonleg said, winking at Blackdog. "I like raiding a lot,"
"YARRR!" Blackdog shouted excitedly. "You're hired! We'll be raiding alien ships a lot then!"
"Uhmmm," Saetos began uncomfortably. "You'll erm need a doc to heal you... from the other room."
"Yarrr you can come with, might be needing a pill or two."
Saetos gave Blackdog a worried look, and Moonleg's sly wink had faded a little bit at that last comment.
"Alright then," Saetos said very loudly, clearly, and slowly. "Would you like it in a little paper bag so there are no mysteries as to what it is?" Then he stopped talking so loudly, clearly, and slowly, and muttered to himself "He's a trox what would he need it for?"

"No, you don't say!" Recep'Tionist gasped after hearing Box's story. "Oh my goodness, we can play this up soooo well! The Kyr'Bert report will have a story WAAAAY better than that stupid Rubi-Ka story. We'll be on it in no time, but first we need some photos of you, and do you think you could cry about it for us in front of a camera?"
"You bet!" the box replied.

General Li'Angreh sighed, the whole armed force of Rubi-Ka in chaos and running around aimlessly in Omni-1.
He REALLY needed some good news right now.
Suddenly his headset beeped.
"We announce today that Six'O'Clock'Kyr has had to pull off the planet Rubi-Ka and has been shut down, at least temporarily, after the Kyr'Bert Report has launched a campaign on it about it being racist. In fact, the Kyr'Bert Report has pulled forces off Rubi-Ka in order to concentrate on this story.
Thank you for tuning into the Kyr'Feed with Lee'La Kay'Lee."
"OH MY GOD!" General Li'Angreh shouted, instantly stopping all the running around in Omni-1. "TWO DOWN IN AN INSTANT! FOUR TO GO!"

[Docnamdkeeper]

Bleh don't think this one was my best yet....

And more bad news....

The series is going to come to a sudden end in only a few episodes. Apply now while you can.

Tell all your friends about this thread!

And don't forget.... FOR THE KODIAKS!!!!!!

[Reneaa]

Bleh don't think this one was my best yet....

And more bad news....

The series is going to come to a sudden end in only a few episodes. Apply now while you can.

Tell all your friends about this thread!

And don't forget.... FOR THE KODIAKS!!!!!!

where's the pwning in the face?

[Docnamdkeeper]

where's the pwning in the face?

its at the very last episode

[Perron]

And more bad news....

The series is going to come to a sudden end in only a few episodes. Apply now while you can.

Fekk.

[Docnamdkeeper]

Fekk.

it's an interesting end tho, most people will probably like it.

And is the end ever really the end? Or is it some other ending's beginning? Or is it a bad ripoff of closing time?

[Saetos]

^.^

[Perron]

it's an interesting end tho, most people will probably like it.

And is the end ever really the end? Or is it some other ending's beginning? Or is it a bad ripoff of closing time?

The beginning of the end of the beginning? ^.^

[Docnamdkeeper]

Chapter 5
It's the beginning of the End.
And I'm here for you.

"Bah!" Omutb shouted. "TV sucks, I'm gonna go to war."
"We'll all come with," Berrenta piped, hopping off the sofa.
They all exited the war lounge and were suddenly presented with the scene of the rubble from the collapsed Headquarter building.
"Curses!" Omutb muttered. "They must have hit us with an Efus bomb!"
General Li'Angreh scooted to where the team was standing. "Erm.... everyone is bored and kinda looking for something to kill."
"We'll kill the person who bombed us!" Cigara rallied. "And it was obviously some alien! Quick! To the ships!"
Somehow everyone heard this over the random noise of whatever they happened to be doing and the whole army of Rubi-Ka flooded into one of General Li'Angreh's ships.
Except for Omutb, Cigara, Berrenta, Joanbot, Enterdragon, and Craziiblade.
Causing massive lag.
Everyone was standing still in the extremely crampt area.
Sumbody shouts: ZOMG LAGGG!!!!!!1
Sum13153 shouts: TEHY FORGOT TO FEED TEH HAMSTER!!!!1

The spotlight shone down on the floor, illuminating a microphone standing alone in the darkness.
Slowly, and cautiously, a box scooted up to the microphone, a fake tear welling in one of the corners.
"My friend aliens," The box sobbed. "Today I was told that even though *sob* my new book was the most amazing tale to ever be read... but that *sob* they wouldn't publish it.... just because... *sob* I was a box... Just coz my outer plating isn't the same color as the publisher.... And humans aren't evil."
The lights went on and several Kyr'Makeup artists fled towards the box.
"That was wonderful!" shouted one of the directors. "Okay, this is the best news piece until the next major disaster. Hellooooooo ratings! Alright box, we'll let you slip out the back now and take a break."
"But erm, won't we- er I- need an escort?" the box asked.
"Of course not."
"Why not?"
"Because you're a box."
There was a pause.
"No, you're a box!"

Blackdog took a chug of his Captain Morgon's Rum, and shouted. "Next applicant to join my band of drunken pirtatey pirates!"
A kodiak hopped onto the barstool next to him.
Aside from this being completely impossible, it was viewed as normal. "Can I join?" it asked.
"Sorry sir," Blackdog said, shaking his head. "But the pirates where we're going need arms. You've got a nice rear thruster though, maybe you could be a car model."
"Awwww, alright. And gee thanks sir!"
"No problem. Next!"
Nortck sat down on the barstool. "I am a martial artist, fresh from Japan, skilled in the power of shen, manipulating the yin and yang within us all, and-"
"Hey do you have sake?" Blackdog asked quickly.
"Erm yeah, but aren't you interested in my skills of the hand strike way-"
"You're hired! And bring all your loot!"

Reporter Don of G.N.N.T.N.X. news looked around at the instruments of his ship.
What in Kyr's name was THAT?
There was a Kyr'Ozch ship dead ahead.... except instead of flying steadlily towards him, it seemed to be jumping forward several hundred feet at a time instead of moving by any normal means.
This either meant that it had the new mega-mecha-TimeSpace-mecha-warp driver.... or insane lag.
Best not to take chances....
Don quickly hit a few random buttons and the ship flew away.

"YAY!" General Li'Angreh's voice sounded, about a minute after he had shouted for joy.
A minute later. "We just chased away a news reporting station!"
Another minute later. Stupid lag. "That's three to go right?"
Another minute. "Actually that was a station that had just decided to come here, so we're back to four."
"You reporters are always tricking us! First three! Then five! Then four again! You're all doing this for ratings! GET HIM!"
A few minutes of waiting later General Li'Angreh zoned out of the ship and began a very jerky run for safety with an army of everyone on Rubi-Ka behind him.

The box sighed and left the studio. Only about twenty interviews done.
This boxist thing was actually pretty funny. Except now the box was tired.
Then a rogue alien reporter spotted the box... there all alone...
"RATINGS!" it cried. "RATINGS! ALL MINE!" and it charged forward, ripped open the box, and found....
Tropicana, Sefus, Snooklear, Mindkeeper, Windam, and Quieromorir.
"Como estas?" Quieromorir asked nervously. "Quieres... una otra caja?"
"HUMANS!" the alien shouted. "GET THEM!!!"

General Li'Angreh's ship had emptied.
Except for Blackice2, Bleodemm, Llenlleawg, Shakesphere, Demonmuffin, and Arrone.
"Alright there's something we need to do," Blackice2 muttered. "We have to go pick up the team on the alien homeworld. It's possible that them being so far from Rubi-Ka could prevent them from resurrecting if they should get killed, and that's a risk I'm not willing to take with six people."
Llenlleawg looked around. "Anyone know how to fly this ship?"
Demonmuffin squealed and headed for the control room.
"Does that seem like a slightly bad idea to anyone other than me?" Bleodemm asked cautiously.
Suddenly the ship flew forward, slamming everyone into the wall behind them. Then forward, sending everyone into the wall in front of them. Then forward again.
"OMG!" Arrone shouted while birds flew in circles around his head. "This is the best alien ship team EVAR!"

"So uh, who are we warring and how do we get there?" Omutb asked casually to his team.
"I think we should go to war with the ARK maybe?" Cigara suggested. "After all it's their fault that Efus bombs aren't nerfed by now."
"Wouldn't that be Funcom's fault?" Berrenta asked.
"Funcom, ARK, same difference they're both the people in charge," Cigara countered.
"tHaT's RaThEr CrAzY oF yOu To SaY!" Craziiblade gasped.
"To the Funcom offices!" Omutb shouted. "I have no idea how we'll get there, but we'll be there after the next intermission.

INTERMISSION!
INTERMISSION! (BLUE!)
INTERMISSION! (NO! YELLOW!)
INTERMISSION!
INTERMISSION!

After the cheesy elevator music cleared up, Omutb and his team found themselves on the other side of the bridge of doom and inside the ARK office.
Asheal looked up at them. "Erm how'd you get here? I mean er Can I help you?"
"CHARGE!" Omutb shouted, and Berrenta, Joanbot, Enterdragon, Cigara, and Craziiblade charged forward.
"OH NO!" Asheal shouted, running off with her hands over her face. "PLEASE JUST DON'T HIT THE GLASSES!"
They followed her into the next room where all the other nerfest ARK's were. Bekrowe, Sabynne, JCOrion, IronGryphon, Cheoptera, Nevarstiyeh, and Araucaria.
Nevarstiyeh looked up, saw them all, and started turning the fourth tuner on his transparent red Mitaar (since they have 4 tuners but only 3 strings [what the deuce?] the fourth tuner is for damage. Normally it's stuck at the minimum value but he's an ARK so he can do whatever he wants.) "You're all in a heap of trouble for this!" he shouted, and charged forward swinging his blunt instrument. (Bad pun maybe intended.)
His first target was Joanbot. Being a MA she easily avoided all his attacks.
So he nerfed her evades.
Joanbot shouts: NERF!
He landed a blow to her feet and charged towards Enterdragon.
Enterdragon alphaed with a capped AS, rooted Nevarstiyeh, and ran.
Nevarstiyeh then nerfed AS and roots, as well as Enterdragon's runspeed.
Enterdragon shouts: NERF!
Nevarstiyeh charged Omutb....
But couldn't find anything about crat PVP that could be nerfd any further.
In the meantime Omutb launched a deadly sarcasm attack...
Omutb: You REALLY should have gone with blue or Metallic Black Cherry!
Nevarstiyeh fell to the ground, gasping for air, and all the ARK's in the room cowered in fear.
Omutb shouts: Behold!
Omutb shouts: I am your loveable dictator!
Joanbot shouts: I didn't vote for you!
Omutb shouts: You don't vote loveable dictators!
"Anyways," Omutb said. "Now I can make you nerf Efus bombs!"

Blackdog looked around. He could see the last two people he was going to recruit.
Metaphista... a sly MP in the corner.... and then there was Sneakstab, the crafty lady opifex shade in tattoos!
He casually sauntered over to where the two were talking, doing his best not to appear drunk.
"Hello," he drawled. "Would you like to space my seeship?"
The two looked at each other. Then at Moonleg, Saetos, and Nortck, who had appeared behind him.
"Sure," Metaphista said.
"But we'll probably need whatever booze you're drunk on," Sneakstab added.

Will Blackdog have to share his booze?
Will Sefus's team be killed forever?
When's this huge pwning in the face thingy? NO I'M (censored)ING SERIOUS WHEN IS IT?!
And does this series really come to an exciting conclusion?
Find out in the future episode(s) of this (exciting?) series!

[Perron]

Nevarstiyeh=nerf herder. ^.^