Chapter 4
They eat burgers fries poptarts salad and commas.
General Li'Angreh gazed at Keeper.
The little leet (who was really some attention deficit doctor in leetform, for those who just started reading) had been for some time explaining to the alien general everything there was to know about Human civilization.
"I still don't understand... what is this sorbet you speak of?" the general asked.
"It's halfway between a slushie and ice cream, and it's very tasty," Keeper replied.
"So it's like a poptart?"
"No those are halfway between oreos and Jelly doughnuts."
"I don't understand this.... but what you're trying to tell me is that humans are not the evil murderous slave drivers that we made them out to be? Don't they kill leets and Kodiaks on sight?"
"No, actually Kodiaks are just cars," Keeper replied. "Kinda like the suit thingies you have. And humans only kill leets when they're training to protect us."
"Only kills us when training to protect us? Sounds like something we call the Yoo'Enn. How many have you lost for this so called protection?"
"None we repawn as if nothing happened, and then they get high levels and do beastraids so we dont have to."
General Li'Angreh nodded. "Alright. But... are there any particular people that you would care to remove?"
Keeper thought for a moment. "One second...."
Mind sighed. It was amazing how stupid his two alter egos were. They were keeping him from realizing his true potential... Keeper was always being a complete idiot and Fishbowl never did anything. It was hard to believe they came from the same individual.
Then his comm beeped, irritating him even further.
It was Keeper.
To [Keeper]: What do you want?
[Keeper]: Why'd you throw me in the car wash? :'(
To [Keeper]: You needed to be shinier, and a bath never hurts, especially not in your case.
[Keeper]: But the car wash... Metal brushes that went right through my skin...
high pressure rinses that smothered me and put stinging soap in the wounds... why? Thats not what alter personalities do to each other.
Mind snarled before typing his reply.
To [Keeper]: I'm a masochist, I like hurting myself.
[Keeper]: Oki then
Mind looked up, and to his horror saw something resembling a giant green sparkler headed right towards him.
You were hit by Kyr'Ozch missile for 320874 points of radiation damage!
Mind gasped, the ressurection sickness stinging at his chest and limbs.
To [Keeper]: WTF WAS THAT FOR!
[Keeper]: I'm a masochist, I like hurting myself
To [Keeper]: You piece of (censored)
Enterdragon gawked at the transmission he had just recieved.
"I'm trying to befriend it and you want me to ram it in the abdomen?"
"Befriend?" the radio squawked back scratchily. "You shouldn't have asked for an insulting enfy library. But you seem to have done ok with it so far, so i'm gonna leave you to it and take a lunch break."
Enterdragon could feel his pulse drop by about half...
Okay, he thought to himself. Just do the stuff I've been doing and it should be fine, it seems to like it so far....
Enterdragon: he110 phrend!
Scout Zo'Mg: hai hai :-D
Enterdragon: likes summertime. do u?
Scout Zo'Mg: mi tu!!!!1 ^_^
Enterdragon looked around. If he didn't get back to the Omni war control room, then he would never get to remove Blackdog from service and keep him from further making bad decisions....
Enterdragon: i gotsta goez, sryz
Scout Zo'Mg: lol its ok ;o) bai bai!
With that, Enterdragon sped off... pausing only briefly to look over his shoulder and ask himself "WTF?!"
Enforcer translator dude shouts: LUNCH BREAK!!!!1
Blackdog perked up and looked around. "Okay everyone hop in the kodiak! We're getting fast food! Geez I'm hungry, I haven't eaten in like six episodes!"
Windam sat up off the penumbran fortress (which was difficult since his rear had frozen to the thing) and straightened his hair.
The reason being because Silirrion had just apppeared.
"Hello, you petitioned about Efus bombs being overpowered?" Silirrion asked.
"Si, nosotros hemos matado todos los bichos en todo un mision de boligrafo... eh penumbra, no boligrafo..."
Silirrion paused to put what Quieromorir had said through Freetranslation.com before asking "You dropped your backpack?"
Tropicana came to the rescue. "He said that we did a whole penumbra mission instantly using an Efus bomb and we think it's overpowered and makes the game too easy, and think they should be nerfed."
Arrone nodded. "These guys are the BESTEST sk team EVAH!"
Silirrion sighed. "I'm afraid you're right... the bomb would make the game oversimplified... just get one and a whole pen mish done like that... people will get to 220 in minutes intead of months..."
Silirrion paused, his jaw trembling.
"And now that you've used one.... they'll all want one...."
Out of nowhere a surge of froobs (normally impossible in penumbra but under the current situation nobody cares what possible is or should be anymore) came from nowhere, all screaming "EFUS BOMB PLX OMGWTFLOL"
The company kodiak slowed to a stop at a drive through menu.
"Hold on I gotta do something, I've wanted to do this ever since I was a kid," Blackdog said excitedly, crawling to the front passenger seat and leaning over the driver.
"I'd like a wah-mburger and french cries and a Whiney-kin to wash it down."
With that the car burst into laughter, waiting for the resturaunt's response.
The person on the other side sighed dismissively. "That'll be four creds and twenty halfshillingpfennys at the next window."
Everyone went dead silent.
"Uhmmm.... what resturaunt are we at?" Blackdog asked tensley.
The driver, without blinking, pointed to a bright neon sign, bearing the words...
Nemo the Emo's:
Beatnick and Drive-thru.
Blackdog sighed. "Okay, next time I'M picking where we go."
Enterdragon hopped out of his kodiak and flew on both legs towards the war room.
He burst in, ready to snipe down Blackdog on sight....
But nobody was anywhere to be found...
"And I saved all my alphas!" Enterdragon fumed. "Wait, this means I don't even have to kill anyone..."
He flipped open his comms messenger...
To [Blackice2]: Blackdog is out of the building, feel free to put in replacement right now.
[Blackice2]: I got just the one and I'm sending him over right now.
"So I just sort of take over doing what Blackdog was doing?" asked Omutb, the most lovable crat dictator of them all, a little bit startled by the request. "What exactly was it that he did?"
"Made bad decisions-"
"Why thank you," Omutb fumed.
"I was going to finish by saying that was why we're having you take his place. Just go to the Omni War Room and do whatever."
"So I go in there and just shout Fire 'ze missiles?" Omutb asked.
"No you're supposed to make good decisions!" Blackice2 gasped, horrified.
"Alright then, as long as this has nothing to do with that Mindkeeper twit, he gets on my last nerves."
Blackice2: .....
Omutb looked at Blackice2. "What was that?" he asked.
"Nothing," Blackice2 replied hastily. "Just erm...." he flipped through his hotkey manual quickly, "Trying to test my bow special attack... heheh..."
Omutb: o rly?
Snooklear looked around tensely, having just caught up with his team in the garden of Vanya. "The only thing left to do now is try to kill an advy with it. Who all still have their DiePods?"
"Me," Tropicana replied.
"Yo," Quieromorir replied.
"That's five," Snooklear counted.
"Three sir," corrected Arrone.
"Right, three, now all we need is an advy..."
Berrenta just happened to be walking by.....
Sefus nodded. "I think I've got an idea..."
"Ilovemyhead?" Tropicana asked. "He's prolly still on jobe plat...."
Suddenly a froob broke through the must-have-expansion barrier somehow and shouted "AND CNA I HAVE ANE RFBAT 2 PLX!!!!!1"
General Li'Angreh nodded. "I can't believe this... I'm calling off all our fighters.... but...."
Keeper's eyes widened. "But what?"
Li'Angreh shook as a shiver went around and around his circular spine. "I've..... already called the media.... I didn't know then.... they think that beating the (censored) out of evil murdering slave drivers makes good news.... I'll never get them to call it off now... I'm sorry but your future looks rather grim..."
"My future?" Keeper asked, having never before thought about anything more than five minutes away.
This had an unintended effect. Li'Angreh looked into Keeper's big, bulging, leet eyes, and his heart melted. "Our future. We will fight and die to protect you from the harm we have mistakenly put you in."
"Wow thanks," Keeper said, pulled away from thoughts of life, the universe, and all that other hippy crap, and back towards the now. "Might wanna save first though so you get resurrected each time instead of dying for good."
Li'Angreh looked at him with a look of at first confusion, then pure joy and asked "You can do that? I thought they only had save points in video games!"
Blackdog looked down at his food, a tear welling in his eye.
One of the twelve co-workers of his that had accompanied him looked at him. "What's wrong?"
"This stuff.... it's so good it's depressing..... you know some bronto had to die for me to eat this burger? It's innocent life come to a grinding halt just so I could have a (censored) burger.... and the potatoes for the fries cruelly ripped away from the trees they grew on.... the thought casts a dark shadow on the darkness of my miasmic soul...."
"(censored)it! We should have taken you to Reet-Fil-A!!!"
Blackdog stood up and wiped the tear away. "From this day fourth, I shall no longer by an evil opressor of all the interns in the war room.... I shall be the drunken Pirate.... the best drunken pirate since Captain Jack Sparrow!!!"
"Eat your (censored) fries or give them to me, and sit down already."
Blackdog glared at the co-worker dude. "You are such a drama-kill."
Will Sefus and his team kill the advy with the Efus bombs?
Will Mind and Keeper ever get a long?
How come we didn't see Fishbowl in this episode?
And when's this great pwning in the face or whatever?
Answer to all these questions and more in future episodes of.... MISSION IMPOSSIBLE FOUR!!!!1
Now without Tom Cruise!
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Originally Posted by tazalanche
