Mission Impossible 4

[Docnamdkeeper]

I got the second alien's name, but Hae'Eru is still eluding me....Ha-eru? Hay-eru?

supposed to be 'how are u'.... anyways time for the next bit (yey!)

[Docnamdkeeper]

Chapter 3
Dude where's my Kodiak?

By now Blackdog had shouted himself hoarse. And still nobody was firing 'ze missiles.
One of the technicians hobbled over to Blackdog. "Sir," he stammered. "We don't have any missiles, and we probably won't be getting them until LE or later."
"Well we MUST do something!" Blackdog shouted.
At that moment a swarm of male guards entered the room, with Windam, Mindkeeper, Sefus, Snooklear, Tropicana, and Quieromorir close behind them.
"Sir!" one of them shouted. "These are the people responsible for the destruction of the entire Broken Shores zone!"
Blackdog whirled around, and stared them down. "What do you buffoons have to say for yourselves?" he demanded.
"Los cientos?" Quieromorir ventured.
"Oops?" tried Tropicana.
"You fools. An entire zone destroyed. Do you know what you have done?"
Nobody moved.
"Poisonous radiation has made the entire area uninhabitible and rebuilding will not be an option for a hundred years. Several species of wildlife have gone extinct, over fifty people, FIFTY PEOPLE have suffered permanent death. And worst of all, now there is nowhere for people to do mishes. Now I'll NEVER get to blitz that scope!"
He continued to stare at them. Snooklear fidgeted.
"Do you people know what needs to be done to fix all this?" he shouted.
"Fire 'ze missiles?" Sefus guessed.
"WE DON'T (censored)ING HAVE MISSILES!" Blackdog burst. "Otherwise, you would be dead on. Instead, what we need to do is get Efus bombs nerfd. And does anyone know how we go about doing that?"
"Use them in pvp?"
"Use them in pen mishes?"
"Use them in alien raids?"
"Kill an advy with them?"
Blackdog looked at them. "You're all correct. And we shall use them in order of easiest to do, to hardest to do. So first, we-"
"Use one to kill an advy?" finished Sefus.
"No you (censored) head!" shouted Blackdog. "I said easiest to hardest not hardest to easiest!"
"ah, right. So, Alien raid?"
"You bet. Your job is to completely finish an alien raid, put the bomb on the boss floor, and detonate it in the same manner you did when you destroyed Broken Shores. Got it?"
"Then do we fire 'ze missiles?" Mindkeeper asked testily.
"Damn right you do. Now just to make sure, you are each getting one for your inventory, and they've been disguised as mp3 players to keep su****ion low. Here you all go," Blackdog said, handing them out.
"DiePod?"

Hau'Eru scampered across the ship floor to Ensign - Jax'Oph.
"AAAH! Don't come in here!" shouted the ensign. "Haha just kidding."
"Dude," said Hau'Eru. "I'm petitioning your offensive name.
Ensign - Jax'Oph has been renamed to Ensign - Hai'Tuyu
"Anyways," Hau Eru continued. "During my raid of the Coffeemaker, me and the toaster tank, the lamp tr-"
"To the point," said Hai'Tuyu.
"We have found a city with malfunctions in its radar jamming thing."
"Yes?"
"It's currently using STRBRRY instead of RSPBRRY. We are to attack it immediately."
Hai'Tuyu nodded. "I'll reroute the ship to that location immediately."
"For the Kodiaks!"
"For the Kodiaks!"

Windam, Mindkeeper, Quieromorir, Sefus, Tropicana, and Snooklear stood at attention next to the specified citie's Control Tower.
"Attention!" shouted someone. "The real troops are here!"
Everyone turned to see the approach of Llenlleawg, an engineer, Blackice2, a soldier, Bleodemm, a keeper, Demonmuffin, a delicious if somewhat evil pastry... erm another engineer, Shakesphere, a metaphysicist, and Enterdragon, an agent.
"Who's in charge here?" asked Bleodemm.
"Uhmmm I guess that would be you," Tropicana suggested.
Blackice2 has disabled the Cloaking Device in the city.
"I'm not in charge!" Bleodemm snapped. "One of you people is in charge! Blackdog told me!"
"We're not in charge, we're being punished by being sent here," Snooklear replied.
Signs of Alien activity above your city have been picked up on the radar!
"Look you little snoot, I'm the one in charge here, everyone here answers to me!" Bleodemm shouted.
"No," replied Windam. "I'm the ARK here. If you don't listen to what I say I nerf you to the stone age and back!"
Your city has been targeted by hostile forces.
"Rabble rabble!" shouted Bleodemm
Mindkeeper tried to listen to the DiePod to hear some more pleasant things than what he was listening to, but with the Efus bomb and everything there was no room left for illegal music downloads.
Then it all began. The ship landed.

"Alpha Squadron first!" Hai'Tuyu barked. "We go in one wave at a time, sending a Hacker Uri until we run out of hackers! Then we send General Choex'Up. If he should fall, then we lure them on board, hide in different rooms, and kill them if they find you. You all got that?"
"Yes sir!" came a chorus of replies.
"Go go go!"
Hau'Eru was one of the many aliens being deployed. He knew he could die.... the very end.... a reclaim terminal being nothing but fiction to them....
But he would gladly do it, for the Kodiaks.
Except upon his exit he was accidentally beamed halfway across the planet and into a 100% gas zone.

"MORDOTS MORDOTS!" shouted Bleodemm. "MINUS FIFTY K DP!"
Everyone laughed, the last of the first wave slaughtered.
"Okay here come the next ones, shoot shoot shoot!" Blackice2 shouted.
Mindkeeper looked and saw something odd. It looked like a bomb-omb, except it was a muffin. Odd.
It walked into the middle of the alien wave and exploded.
Quieromorir: AYE CARUMBA! QUE FUE ESO!"
Windam: NERF!
Tropicana: O.o
Shakesphere: \o/
Demonmuffin grinned. "I call it... the 'where-behind-the-muffin?' bomb. It's got a tiny Nukuler bomb in it."
"Thats one ****ey meat-a-ball!" Enterdragon laughed.
"No d00d its a muffin."

Hai'Tuyu looked at the battlefield. They were too strong. "Okay people we're sending the general out now! Get in your hiding positions in case they should attempt to board us."

"General!" announced Blackice2, the huge toad-like thing scurrying towards them.
[Orgchat] Llenlleawg: !aiboss General - Choex'Up
[Orgchat] Orgbot: This boss drops a bunch of (censored)
Llenlleawg: Woot I get a free (censored)!!!
Snooklear: Nowai, I want a (censored)!
Bleodemm: There will be plenty of (censored) to go around, so you can each take a (censored).
Meanwhile while they were talking everyone else was killing the General, and it soon collapsed, dead, everyone got a board invite, and rushed aboard.

Hai'Tuyu crouched in the corner, blatantly visible to anyone in the room. He would be able to sneak attack and insta-kill the tank, and then whittle everyone else down....

"Odd, no guards or patrols in sight, the path to boss room is clear," Blackice2 noted. "They must all be hiding in the closet"
"Don't be silly, the only one in the closet is Tom Cruise," Tropicana laughed.
"No I'm serious.... but forget it. Let's just blow this place up."

Hai'Tuyu watched as Windam popped up from the lift across the room, placed a thin rectangular piece of metal on the floor, swat it with a foam club of some sort, and zone down the lift.
Nothing happened.
Windam zone back up, and after a second, whapped the thing again and zoned down quickly.
Up, Bap-zone.
Up, Bap-zone.
After a few repititions, Windam zoned up, looked at the device....
Windam: Gah the hold button was on...
He poked something on the device, and raised his foam club again....
Bap-zone-
BOOOM!!1one
You were hit for 501940174801256817658134815 points of Efus Bomb damage. Critical hit!

[ArroneX]

hahah..almost sounds like blackdog

[Reneaa]

it's DKP

[Cyriann]

Mind strode over and ripped a post-it note off Sefus's forehead. "Hmmm," he said, reading it. "They've got some sort of bomb in here. I'll give you a hint. Take the 'S' off the beginning of one of our names, and it's the type of bomb they have.
Snooklear thought for a second. Then the realization hit him....
"OH MY GOD!" he shouted. "THEY HAVE AN EFUS BOMB!!!"
Mind covered his face with his hands

too funny. siggy material i think.

[ArroneX]

lmao!

[Docnamdkeeper]

Chapter 3
Stamping on Thin Ice

From anywhere on Rubi-Ka, the great Efus Bombing of the Kyr'Ozch dropship could be seen.
It was like free fireworks, except these were actually interesting.
Sadly the brave souls who had worked to make it possible had been destroyed when the ship had, and had just popped out of the reclaim terminal at the Omni War room.
"Gad dayamn!" grunted Llenlleawg. "That HURTS!"
"Right we should have mentioned that," said Tropicana.
"Now Funcom will HAVE to nerf Efus bombs!" Windam noted, smiling. "I'll petition them right now."
Not much happened in the hours that it took for an ARK to arrive to for the cause, except...
[Orgchat] Orgdude: All those who temp joined for raid can leave now if they want to, thanks for coming.
[Orgchat] Mindkeeper: How do you leave again?
[Orgchat] Orgdude: Just type
Orgdude has left your organization!
"Okay we got an ARK to come help us," Windam said after a while. Then he read something. "Crap it's me.... uhm.... I'll get someone else."
A few minutes later Nevarstiyeh appeared.
"Who do I kill?" he asked quickly.
"You need to nerf Efus bombs," said Windam calmly. "We just used it to destroy a huge alien ship, it's overpowered and you need to nerf it."
"Actually, since you also destroyed yourselves in the process, and thus could not collect the boss loot, and it didnt make any adventurers angry, it's not a bug or exploit of overpowered stuff. It's a feature."
With that, Nevarstiyeh dissappeared.
Windam shouts: CURSE YOU NEVARSTIYEH! YOU AND ASHEAL!

Hau'Eru's legs collapsed beneath him.
From the Neutral Backyard which he had somehow wound up in, he saw the ship that he had just been on earlier explode.
All his friends on that ship.... So many memories upon the ship... all gone.... forever....
Would have been very pretty if it hadn't been for that earlier bit though.
Just.... gone...
"NO!" he shouted. "I have to concentrate on the mission!"
A burning tear welled in his (only) eye and tried to think of something else.
Kodiaks, they've been enslaved their whole lives by a race of.... gone- NO!!! They're little tan carrot shaped things that have been chronically abused their whole miserable lives.... gone, gone, gone.....
Then he saw it.
A small, tan, carrot shaped critter, with its two big bulging eyes meeting his one... it was so cute that it managed to melt all his pain away for the moment.
"Peekay" it said.

Blackice2, Bleodemm, Llenlleawg, Demonmuffin, Enterdragon, and Shakesphere entered the war control room.
"Mission was a success," Bleodemm reported.
"Todos murimos!" Shouted Quieromorir as he, Mindkeeper, Tropicana, Snooklear, Sefus, and Windam entered close behind them. "Fue exelentisimo!"
"We all saw," Blackdog said. "Are they gonna nerf it?"
"Sadly not," Windam sighed. "We need to move on to the next part. Using it in pen mish."
"Alright then," Blackdog sighed. "Since nobody knows how to ruin the whole game with these things better than you people, we're sending you all off to do a pen mish with one of these things. At least one of you has to still have your DiePod, right?"
Only Windam had heard this, as the Elite team had left and everyone but Windam had those little Ipod earbuds in.
"Uhm right." Windam said testily. "By the way thanks for telling my I'm the best person at ruining the game."
"No problem," Blackdog said. "As I always say, compliments enforce positive behaviour."

"You're kidding! You've got to be!" Li'Angreh slammed his fist into the floor. "These human things... the Kodiak that we saved... they ripped out its interior and implanted it with an artificial one made of animal dermises and then placed it on the periodical to humiliate it?"
The Hacker on the other end nodded. "Yes, the periodical said, roughly translated.... "Kodiak for sall. Relitevli nu. Lethur inteeryur. All teh blodsteens gon. Heestorrik relik. Feeftee crdts."
"That's horrible.... hold on I'm getting another message."
Hau'Eru's face appeared on the monitor. "You won't believe this. We've discovered that the kodiaks are born in a smaller form and then cultivated on these plots of land known as backyards, where humans new to this whole opression thing can freely kill them at will for no good reason before they are castrated, shaved, beaten, and trained to become transportation slaves. I'm showing you a picture of one of the baby kodiaks now."
A leet popped onto the monitor, It's huge eyes bulging cutely as it at first scurried away from the camera a little bit, then pattered up close and sniffed it.
"Oh my goodness," said Li'Angreh. "How can these humans be so cruel to something so cute! I'm gonna send this picture and story to the news channels See'Enn'Enn, Fox'Heru, and Aee'Bee'See. In a few weeks of sob story news reports, the whole alien civilization will be slamming down a massive fist upon these evil slaving humans!"
"Also we think there might be a similar species, called yalms, that are grown here too from these things,"
A reet popped onto the monitor, flapping its wings annoyingly.
"Nah not as cute. Skip it."

[Team] Sefus: all meeting at pen?
[Team] Tropicana: omw
Mindkeeper sighed as he ran towards the Shining Statue of Transportation. Then he stopped....
[Blackice2]: Don't do this
To [Blackice2]: Why not?
[Blackice2]: Blackdog is going the complete wrong direction about this... I'm going to have Enterdragon..... relieve him of his post.... shortly
To [Blackice2]: What do you think we should do about this Efus bomb problem?
[Blackice2]: There were only seven Efus bombs ever made. You and your team have five of them, and unless you take them out of your inventory and hit them with a nerfbat, no zone or nothing else will ever be destroyed.
To [Blackice2]: So what's the problem though?
[Blackice2]: The aliens, they've suddenly gone berserk. They think we're cruelly enslaving kodiaks.
To [Blackice2]: The cars?
[Blackice2]: Yeah the cars.
To [Blackice2]: How do you know this?
[Blackice2]: Omni-Tek has intercepted a transmission.
To [Blackice2]: How come Blackdog didn't tell us?
[Blackice2]: He doesn't know. Do you think we'd put him in charge of the REAL Omni-Tek? Look, no time for questions. We need you here now.
To [Blackice2]: Why me?
[Blackice2]: I'll tell you when you get here. I'm at Jobe platform.
[Team] Mindkeeper: g2g sry
Mindkeeper has left your team.
[Team] Quieromorir: no es bueno... :X
[Team] Sefus: ok get a 6th off lft
Arrone Joined your team.

Enterdragon raced in his Kodiak towards Omni-HQ.
Then he stopped suddenly, seeing an Alien hacker. Instinctively he switched on his cloaking device and pressed H.
This is what an agent does when he's walking. In a Kodiak all it does is make the driver invisible, the car is still completely obvious.
The hacker saw it and approached it. "Are you one of the oppressed Kodiaks?" it asked.
Enterdragon blinked. wtf did "4r3 j00 1 uv teh 0pr3553l) l<0d1@l<5?" mean?
Quickly he hit his communicator to Omni-HQ. If there was en enforcer with a library, he might be able to stop the war right here....
In his haste he forgot enforcer libraries were all for insults...


Will Mindkeeper find his way to Jobe platform?
Will Enterdragon make peace with the Aliens?
When's this "Great Pwning in the Face" event that everyone keeps yammering about?

Stay tuned to find out!

[Docnamdkeeper]

hey peeps, I need everyone who likes this thread to do 2 things.

First, tell all your friends about it.

Second, apply to be in this story! You can send me a forum PM or ingame send Mindkeeper on Rimor a /tell

thank you all for reading!

For the Kodiaks!

[Docnamdkeeper]

Chapter 3 Part 4
Pimp my Kodiak

After waiting for Mindkeeper with no result, Blackice2 begane to feel a little impatient.
To [Mindkeeper]: You're on your way to Jobe Platform right?
[Mindkeeper]: I think so.... where again?
To [Mindkeeper]: Jobe platform! You can find that right!
[Mindkeeper]: Erm.... no....
To [Mindkeeper]: FFS it's Jobe Platform! That's the easiest thing to find ever!
Blackice2 sighed.
To [Mindkeeper]: Go /lft
He opened the opened the /lft interface and found Mindkeeper's name. Odd, why was he in Wailing Wastes?

Mindkeeper looked around briefly before going on /lft with the description "Blackice2". Then while waiting for the team invite to come, pondered how he had gotten to Wailing Wastes
[Blubba]: pen mish?
[Nootkase]: AI raid?
[Bookwurm]: IS raid plx?
[Tropicana]: Pen mish?
Do you want to join Blackice2's team?
Entering team.
[Team] Bleodemm: Ok muffin bacon warp him over and we'll give him the rundown
After Demonmuffin finished flailing his arms around for a while, Mindkeeper appeared.
"Okay, look, here's the plan. We found an advy who would willingly transform you into a leet, and once in leetform, you can talk to the aliens, who will trust and listen to you, and stop this whole war before people start getting killed. Got it?"
Mindkeeper nodded. "Who's the willing adventurer participant?"
"Ilovemyhead is at Jobe platform again..." Llenlleawg answered.
"Ah. Okay but why me?"
"We need someone of your ability to be... as jovial as a real leet."

Quieromorir popped through the frozen door, closely followed by Windam, Tropicana, Arrone, Snooklear, and Sefus.
"Todo esta buen," Quieromorir reported. "Solo necesitamos matar todos los bichos en este mision con nuestros MorirPods, y las Bombas Efusas serian nerfado."
Tropicana looked at him for a moment, then shrugged. "All we gotta do is use this bomb to do a whole pen mish, getting the SK, boss loot, and the pattern pieces that nobody uses anyway, and FC will see Efus bombs as overpowered and making the game too easy, and then we can pretend this whole incident never happened."
"Except for Broken Shores being completely gone," Snooklear muttered.
"Shush," hissed Sefus. "Now, to do this, all we make use of a feature here. The bomb hits the whole zone instantly, kills everything, and all the mobs here give all the SK a few seconds AFTER they die, so we can zone out for safety, then once the bomb explodes zone back in, get phat SK and lewt."
"Dood this is the BESTEST sk team EVER!" Arrone squealed.
"Won't we obliterate all of Penumbra?" Windam asked.
"Only if you use the Nerfbat on it," Snooklear answered. "By themselves nEfus bombs only eliminate zones, not entire continents. Combine them with the power of a nerfbat and...."
"Alright," said Windam, grabbing Quieromorir's DiePod. "I'm setting this so it plays 'A Thousand Miles' by whatsername, and at the end it will go off."
"No, we dont want them to die before the bomb goes off, it has to be the explosion that kills them." Sefus pleaded.
"Ah right, Welcome to the Jungle then?"
"Sounds good," Arrone said, nodding.
Sefus looked around. "Won't I lose faction since I'm clan and you're all Omnis?"
"Don't worry, it's a mish full of Hecklers."

Scout Zo'Mg whirled around. Something has rustled the plants nearby.
"Hai!" Keeper squeaked, cleverly disguised by pronouncement of greatness.
Zo'Mg looked at the data file for the Kodiaks. This thing was tan and carrot shaped.
"Kodiaks are brown, carrot shaped, and shiny litthe things that have been cruely enslaved by these Human thingies."
"You're not shiny!" Zo'Mg shouted, and shot Keeper

Llenlleawg nearly jumped when Keeper popped out of reclaim. "What happened?" he instinctively asked.
"It shot me," Keeper wailed. "I wasn't shiny enough or something."
Mind ignored this and kept staring off into space, and Fishbowl shook his head dismissively.
"What could we do to make keeper shinier?" Bleodemm asked, looking around.
"I know! I know!" Demonmuffin shouted with an evil laugh. "Conditioning shampoo!"

Windam jumped out of the frozen door and joined the rest of his team. "And we hop back in... three... two... one..."
The snow shook beneath them and everyone surged into the door.
What happened next could only be described as the worst ever spamming of You gained XXX shadowknowledge! XXX gained as a side bonus! ever.
"Rush to boss floor!" Shouted Snooklear. "We have to loot both bosses before they dissappear!"
They dashed past room after room after corridor after corridor full of dead redeemed mobs (Sefus shouts: YOU LIARS!), up the lifts, through the mouse maze room, up the lift, and across the floor until they reached the boss floor.
"Familiar of Cama still got piece on it! Abhan again!" Snooklear shouted
"No cru on Van Dummy, but a ton of other phat RK lewt!" shouted Tropicana.
"I'm petitioning now." Windam replied, gasping for air after all that running. "We should be done in no time."

"Okay I've got the leet shampoo," Shakesphere said. "I'm not putting it on him though. Don't think I could massage shampoo onto a leet knowing it was a polymorphed guy...."
"Me neither" said Bleodemm.
"I'm not getting a shampooing while he's in the room," Keeper said, kicking towards Mind.
"You little twit, I'm your alter ego, stop being such a baby."
"Okay then, Mind, will you wash him?" Blackice2 asked exhasperatedly.
"No, that would be like touching myself."
"You have a better idea?" Blackice2 asked.
"Yup," chimed in Bleodemm. "We load the leet shampoo into the Yalmwash and throw him in."
"NOWAI!" Keeper shouted. "Those brushes are made of WIRE! And the high pressure rinses! Do you know how much that will hurt?!"
"To the carwash!" Mind rallied.

A few minutes later....
Zo'Mg looked. "Hey that's shiny, it must be a Kodiak. I'll beam you up to the elders."
Without time to react, keeper was flung through time and space and landed on an alien ship in front of General Li'Angreh.
"Oh my goodness! you must be one of those leets! Nice shiney coat you have."
"Thanks," Keeper replied. "I use conditioner," he added, flinching at the memory.


Will Keeper be able to focus on the mission long enough to stop the Alien threat?
Will Efus bombs get nerfd?
And when is this big pwning of the face thing?
Tune in next week to maybe find out!

[Docnamdkeeper]

Ok everyone, I'll be going away on a rk4 getaway.... so this will be the last addition to the story until at least next Thursday.

In the meantime, I need a lot of people to apply, so join up, and tell your friends about this!

For the Kodiaks!!!

[Docnamdkeeper]

Bah maybe I shoulda named this thing differently... then maybe it'd get more views....

As is half the people probably think I'm posting something about Tom Cruise. Yuck!

Help stop the myth. Tell your friends about this thread, and what it really is.

[Ciggie]

man this is one of the funniest posts ive ever read. Ranks next to the teaming with docs post and the behind the scene posts by wrangleline. Keep them coming and feel free to add me to the posts, im a MA 213/14 now. WOuld like to see myself in some funny business in one of ure stories
Keeo it coming and seeya around.

[Docnamdkeeper]

man this is one of the funniest posts ive ever read. Ranks next to the teaming with docs post and the behind the scene posts by wrangleline. Keep them coming and feel free to add me to the posts, im a MA 213/14 now. WOuld like to see myself in some funny business in one of ure stories
Keeo it coming and seeya around.

That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me....
Those were the two funniest posts I've ever seen, and I'm writing this thread in honor of Wrangeline's classic.
To hear that I'm even in the same ballpark as either of them makes me proud...

Thanks Ciggie!!!

[Ciggie]

Well, your welcome man i guess hehe.
Anyways i just wanna warn all the peeps that read and will read this forum, pls go read wranglelines posts earlier and learn the morale from there - Dont pressure the author for more stories, just let it flow freely, and ull get better posts than if you force it out of him - I know wranglelines posts made me laugh at first then when the pages were filled with bumps and "more,more,more" they got kinda ok not funny.
That said, keep the good work man and hope next one is funny as hell too, oh and maybe add me to the aliumz hehe.

[Perron]

I'm just gonna give this a little bump, so that it doesn't disappear.

[mjuler]

Bump for fun reading!

[Ciggie]

bump bump bump

[Ciggie]

well bump again i guess, since this post is now on page 2
keep bumping guys
docnamdkeeper is taking a break it seems from the forums

[Ciggie]

same as post subject

[Docnamdkeeper]

well bump again i guess, since this post is now on page 2
keep bumping guys
docnamdkeeper is taking a break it seems from the forums

Yup was on a trip on rk4 to visit places and things.

And while I was away I got some good ideas for the next part. Well.... at least I think they're good ^_^

PS: Thanks Ciggie, Perron, and Mjuler for the bumps, it gave me the warm fuzzies to come back... and find this isn't buried at page 5 but in fact still at page 1.... that gets you all a spot in the uber team!