Chapter 3
I have no talk what you're ideaing about.
“You gotta be (censored)ing kidding me,” Feema stammered as he walked out of the meeting room.
Apparently the narrator missed this meeting. Curses.
“What?”
“I don't believe that the negotiations went that way.”
“Well...”
“Just so completely one sided!”
“You didn't seem to do anything.”
“Well, what was I supposed to do?”
“What do you mean?”
“We're dealing with ALIENS for crying out loud!”
“We call them extra-terrestrial individuals. It's more PC.”
“They do what with their personal computers?”
Just past the entrance of Sector 28, the Unicorn stood there.
And stood there.
And was about to do even more standing there when a flood of players appeared.
Six of them approached him.
“Hello there,” he said casually as they neared.
“Hi, we were told that you knew the way to the boss,” Tropicana stated.
The unicorn chuckled softly. “That I do... you see... I've been here fighting aliens ruthlessly...”
“Yes yes, now how do we get to him?” Xaun demanded.
“Well, you see... I don't know how you found me, seeing as I'm in the middle, having fought so far into the uncharted-”
“You're right at the entrance!” Sefus corrected quickly.
“Shush, you. Now.... you see... I could lead you to them, but you'll just steal all that credit. I want a down payment to ensure that you'll be fair and follow me, and give me the fair credit that's due.”
The teammates began exchanging glances with each other, each one eventually settling for someone else's.
“What kind of down payment are you thinking of?” Norbal began to ask.
“I normally charge two million credits....” the unicorn drawled out. “But I'm not feeling well today, I'll need a little more motivation...”
“I'll let you buy me dinner,” Unicornia said, trying to look as cute as she could in her pink suit.
“Done!”
Saetos nodded approvingly. “Wow, how did you know Unicornia is a lady?”
“That's a she?!” The unicorn stammered. “Deal's off!”
The television set in the omni-war lounge flickered on.
“Ooooh!” Enterdragon said excitedly. “In Soviet Russia, this show loves you!”
“Hello!” Dmom announced. “And welcome to Dmom's cooking show! I'm your host, Dmom!”
The set blinked a few times and the audience applauded.
“Today, I've got with me a few special guests here to help me fix up my famous brownies. Because I keep forgetting the recipe.”
Dmom held her hand out, motioning to Cigara and Mohns.
“We can't make THOSE kind of brownies...” Mohns whispered. “Your show's not on cable anymore...”
“Oh... Right.... So we'll just be fixing reet pies.”
Mohns held up a fairly angry looking bird without any feathers. “Now, we've already plucked the reets ahead of time, this can be a fairly painful process...”
“Uhm...” Cigara began. “There aren't any actual reets in reet pies.”
“I TAWLD J00!” the reet squawked.
“You mean I plucked this thing for hours and we're not even using it.....”
“Nope, we're using imitation spam reets....” Dmom replied.
"Oh...." Mohns sighed. "Please tell me we're cooking something safe next time."
"Oh yes, don't worry, we'll be baking fireworks for our audience after the break."
“Is this the team that will be taking on the alien threat!?”
Passingfancy, Balloons, Vestals, Rubyfire, Craziiblade, and Jari all looked from one another.
“I guess so....”
“THE TEAM,” He bellowed, trying to catch attention. Nobody else was moving. “THAT WILL BOLDLY CHARGE INTO THE ALIEN MOTHERSHIP?”
“Okay,” Passingfancy chirped. “Why not?”
“Er... THE TEAM THAT WILL FIND AND DESTROY ALL ALIENS?!”
“I guess so,” Balloons replied.
“IN VICTORY WILL REMAIN HUMBLE...”
“Most likely not,” answered Vestals.
“IN DEFEAT, WILL BRAVELY RUN AWAY AWAY...”
“Most definitely,” Rubyfire noted, looking at the team and checking her briefcase.
“AND IN A DRAW, WILL NOT THROW THE MATCH BY HAVING THE BEST PLAYER HEADBUTT SOMEONE ELSE JUST BEFORE THE KICKOFFS....”
“Er...”
“THEN GO, INTO THE ALIEN SHIP, AND BRING BACK A FULL VICTORY!”
He handed the teammates each a key, and pointed toward the ship, docked and ready, waiting for it's passengers.
As they left, he looked around the tent area to see who had all been affected by his performance. Who all had been stirred by his enthusiasm...
Iareossum is now AFK.
“Oh, why the (censored) do I even try?”
“Great,” Unicornia whispered to her team, huddled together. “Now what do we do?”
“Kinda obvious,” Xaun replied. “One of the gentlemen has to take our little soldier over there on a date. Now which of you...”
“NO!” Saetos barked.
“Awww come on...” Unicorna sighed exasperatedly. “I'll bet he'll buy you a slurpee.”
“Not even a thousand slurpees.....”
“Guess that leaves you Sefus...”
Sefus cringed. “I'm /terminating right now.”
“Okay okay fine, we got enough credits?”
“Yeah, here's my share,” Sefus and Saetos blurted simultaneously, each proffering forward the full amount.
Unicornia grabbed the credits and walked back over to the unicorn.
“Alright, here are your creds, will you lead the way?”
“But I wanna have a date with someone...”
Unicornia sighed. “None of them are interested.”
“Oh....”
“Look, here are your creds, lead the way...”
“Sure...”
“Are you...”
“I'm not crying! I've got something in my visor!”
The aliens stood ready at the entrance to their ship.
It used to be one of the traditional alien doors but had been swapped out for a new Rubi-Ka built airlock. Which seemed odd to Scout Cha'Rly...
“Hey Uri'Kaz....”
“Yeah?”
“Does anything seem a bit.... odd... lately?”
“Well, what do you mean?”
“Like the door....”
“I think it's quite tasteful.”
“And our mission updates?” Cha'Rly began tensely.
“What do you mean?”
Cha'Rly flipped open the mission description and read it aloud.
“Get killed by the Humanoid Invaders!
Your mission is to stand around completely still until the humans engage you. You are allowed to fight, but don't go too hard, mmmkay? Mission reward will be handed out at reclaim.”
“That's not all that odd, now is it? We're learning to be loyal and follow instructions.”
“Oh jeez....”
“Is there any other of the tiniest little thing wrong getting your Kyr'Ozch undies in a bunch?”
“Well, just that giant sombrero that's walking up to you,” Cha'Rly replied.
“I think it's quite tasteful.”
Right then Jari popped out from under the hat, rapiers flying in every direction as Uri'Kaz was ripped to shreds.
“Ooooh, where can I get a had like that?”
Jari blinked and ducked back into her enormous sombrero.
“Pew pew!” Balloons shouted, charging straight for Cha'Rly, and tripping at the last minute, falling flat on his face.
Cha'Rly turned just in time to see Passingfancy unleash a volley from her submachine gun, ducking in time to save himself from most of the bullets.
[Uri'Kaz]: Hey dood would you be so kind as to grab my corpse and bring it to me?”
Cha'Rly grimaced.
To [Uri'Kaz]: I got shot in the eye, can't see....
[Uri'Kaz]: Grab it plz I got all my mitochondria thingies in my wallet and stuffs, would suck if they looted it.
“This mish sucks!” Cha'Rly shouted. “I'm gonna reroll a better one.”
He fumbled around the ground, finally grabbing the first limp object his appendages managed to locate, and he dashed to the cockpit of the ship, banging into walls as he went.
“We all here and accounted for?” Vestals asked as the rest of the team caught up to Jari and Passingfancy.
“Think so,” Rubyfire replied.
“aLl HeRe,” Craziiblade replied.
Everyone looked around. That seemed to be the whole team, except there were three floating blobs without any apparent master.
“Where's Balloons?”
“No idea, but phat vp lewts on this alien,” Jari noted casually. “Can I have?”
Reply With Quote
Originally Posted by jorricane
